The Fear Of Rejection... And What To Do About It
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QUESTION FROM A READER
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Carlos, something has been on my mind for quite some time now man,
and it's making me feel more insecure with each day that passes by.
I could already get a hot babe's number and get a date here and there
before I read your stuff, and my success with women has become
more consistent after I started reading, but it feels more like a curse
than a blessing…
See, I have the confidence to meet women and everything, but I just
don't know when to kiss a girl and how to tell if she's ready for it
or not…and while I've doubled the amount of dates I went on since I
started following your blog posts, newsletters and so on…it has only
caused me to be confronted with this problem more and more and it's
really hurting my confidence. With the last date I went on, man, I
tried to kiss her way too early and she immediately got up and left…
and since then I'm scared of failure and of rejection, really scared.
I know I'm kinda asking you two questions here but please, help a
brother in need…
Gregory, New York City, USA
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MY COMMENTS
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So you want me to answer TWO questions for you!? You greedy basterd!
Oh well, I will just this one time… and because I like NYC a lot, except
for those overly hot subways in the summer though, seriously…get those fixed.
I always adress the fears, the insecurities and beliefs first, because if you
don't have your confidence, your inner issues or "Inner Game" in order?
You can try as many fancy techniques as you'd like, but they'll all FAIL
because they'll be built on FEAR… get rid of the fear though,
and almost anything will work...
Almost everyone on this planet suffers from the fear of failure and
the fear of rejection, and although there are all kinds of techniques for getting
rid off them, everyone still considers them to be these big "inner demons"…
But when you take away their power by knowing where they come from
and thus how ridiculous feeling them NOW is? You'll bring a PERMANENT end
to the fear, instead of having a temporary solution just like all
the ignorant fools out there…
Let's get down to business by tackling that freakishly annoying
FEAR OF REJECTION first...
When we are growing up and in our formative years, the people we most
look up to and who are our be all, end all…are our parents, and getting
their approval, love and attention is all that matters to us.
And one of the most cruel things that can happen to us and which scars us
for life is experiencing conditional love: when we obey, always listen and
are pretty quiet we are loved by our parents…
But when we're too busy to their taste, don't listen immediately and don´t obey
or don´t obey immediately? Our idols get angry and sometimes even punish us…
while we don't really understand what we´re doing wrong and right at that time…
And that's why we start to fear the WITHDRAWAL of love: we're scared
that we haven't met the conditions for receiving love and attention, because
almost no parent ever told us that we would be loved whatever we would do or be…
THAT'S what the fear of rejection is: nothing more than a childhood trauma…
and let me just assume here that you're a grown ass man by now?
Are you sure?
Because why do you still fear rejection then while it's total BS!? Get rid of your fear of rejection today.
Next up: the FEAR OF FAILURE…
One of the first things we learn from our parents in our formative years is: "don't go there", "stop it", "don't do it, it's dangerous" and so forth...
In other words: we're continually warned about possibly dangerous or risky
situations and over time this develops into a full blown prohibitive negative
habit pattern…
Meaning that we start to AVOID unknown or new situations altogether
because we think their outcome could be dangerous…
And as such, whenever we DO go right ahead and try something new,
try something that we're not sure about or where the outcome is
unpredictable? We FEAR that we won't avoid danger and get the
outcome that we want… and THAT'S all what the fear of failure is...
Risk avoidance, feeling very uncomfortable when taking risk…
while the world belongs to the bold, because failure is not the END of anything,
it's part of the learning process.
You make a mistake, correct your course accordingly, you try again,
make another mistake, and you correct course until you get it right…
so a mistake, or "failure", is actually FEEDBACK… so stop fearing failure...
BECAUSE THE MORE YOU FAIL, THE FASTER YOU WILL LEARN… WHICH IS
WHY YOU SHOULD TRY TO FAIL AS FAST AS POSSIBLE WHENEVER YOU TRY
TO LEARN SOMETHING
Now run these two fears through your bullshit detector, and you'll know I'm right…
and you'll know that it doesn't matter WHEN you kiss her, only that you get rid
off your fears, feel confident, and GO FOR IT.
Heck, I went on a date or two where I created so much attraction prior to the date,
that the moment I saw those women? I immediately started kissing them,
and they gladly returned the favor!
And if you want rejection and failure to act as FEEDBACK for you so you´ll be fearless whether you´re trying to meet and date women or trying to ask your boss
for a raise of your salary, then it´s important that you learn my 4 techniques
for getting what you want out of rejection and failure.
When you learn these techniques you will no longer fear the outcome of ANYTHING
you say or do... imagine how liberating that would feel. Imagine a lifestyle that
gives you the power to live life to the fullest because all your negative habit patterns
are DEAD and because nothing can hold you back anymore.
If that´s the kind of life that you want to live, a 100% REJECTION FREE life,
then I highly recommend you check out the Simple Inner Game System
by clicking the link below:
The Simple Inner Game System
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SUCCESS STORY
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Dear Carlos, I was hesitant to try out your advice of failing a.s.a.p.
and then I actually tried it. The results have been smashing! I realized
what I´m doing wrong with my body language, that the volume
I talk with is sometimes so low that it makes me come across insecure,
and that I´m focused on myself way too much instead of focusing on
the woman in front of me and having some fun talking to her.
After your email I saw that rejection is nothing more than conditioning
really, thanks for helping me find that out good sir because now I´m
conditioning myself not to make a big deal of it: the more I expose
myself to not getting the outcome I want (because that is rejection),
the less value I attach to it. So far I´ve approached 30 women these
last weeks and I´m now almost indifferent to rejection thanks to you,
so thanks again!
Hendrick F, London, United Kingdom
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MY COMMENTS
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Off course taking a risk is scary at first, just like jumping in the deep end
of the pool when you´re young and trying to learn how to swim...
But when you go ahead and do it anyway? The results are definitely worth it!
It sounds to me like you´re about to become an approaching machine,
someone who can approach ANY woman he finds interesting without
ANY fear or worry... and who´s able to get the results with women
he wants too.
And if you´re reading this thinking: I want to learn the techniques for
getting what I want out of rejection and failure too... I want the liberty
and the power to do or say anything I want without fearing the outcome,
and I want to be able to approach every woman just like Hendrick...
Then check out the Simple Inner Game System by clicking the link below:
The Simple Inner Game System
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QUESTION FROM A READER
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Carlos I think I really need your help. You see, I just went
out today to try and meet women on the streets of my
hometown but every time I do I get rejected. It's so frustrating!
Either a girl will just not give me her phone number, or even worse:
she walks right past me while she heard what I said but just didn't
bother answering...
I've been turned down so much that I'm starting to ask myself:
do women hate me? Or are they so cold blooded that they just
don't care about rejecting a man and how it makes him feel afterwards?
How can I stop feeling bad about being rejected master D?
Can you help me pleaaaase...
Chris D, New York City, USA
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MY COMMENTS
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I can help you alright... and the first step is...
STOP BEING A DRAMAQUEEN.
Most men make the same mistake as you're making right now.
You ASSUME that if a few women didn't respond that well to whatever it was
that you were doing, that maybe ALL women hate your guts...
And that's nothing more than stereotyping dude, because say one thousand
of more than 1 BILLION Chinese people smoke weed... does that automatically
make every Chinaman a pothead?
Hell no.
Duhhh.
And yet this is exactly what you're doing with women: maybe a couple hundred
turned you down, or a couple thousand... does that automatically make
the 3 BILLION women on earth pure evil?
I think the question answers itself, and for those that still don't understand
and think women are demons with long hair: please... seek help, contact Dr. Phil.
You know what's funny about us men and rejection?
Most men that have a hard time approaching women are literally SCARED TO DEATH
of rejection, and they freeze up and remain speechless whenever they see
a beautiful woman they want to meet...
Ultimately they end up not approaching her AT ALL because those wussies are
flipping out over the fact that they COULD be rejected and that they COULD fail.
Hey... I've been there too you know, I had a really hard time getting over
my approach anxiety and must have been rejected at least a 100 times,
which only made my fears worse and worse... before I realized something:
I WAS BEING AN EGO-MANIAC AND YOU ARE ONE TOO, BECAUSE
WE FORGOT ABOUT A WOMAN'S PERSPECTIVE ON REJECTION.
Say you approach a gorgeous lady and tell her you absolutely, positively HAVE to
marry her and make 468 babies... you'll be rejected for sure, but how does that
make her feel?
Women are emotional creatures, and if you weren't being a jerk when you
approached her by saying stuff like "Let's fuck"? They'll feel for you...
They'll feel BAD for rejecting you "because you seemed to be such a nice guy".
Do you understand what this means?
It means that you can actually turn rejection into an advantage by making
her feel less bad about it and suggesting a more casual way of getting to know
each other, like grabbing a cup of coffee.
In case you missed it, let me repeat that again...
YOU CAN ACTUALLY TURN REJECTION INTO AN ADVANTAGE.
Whenever you propose something BIG and she rejects it, from something
ridiculous like asking her to marry you when you first approach her...
to asking for her number, you simply USE her own emotions "against" her.
Say you suggest that you two exchange phone numbers so you can stay in touch
and she rejects you for it, you can simply say something along the lines of:
"Ouch... you broke my heart there. But you can't blame a man for trying can you?
You seem to be a fun-loving person just like me, which is why I approached you...
so at least give me your MSN address so we can chat later and have some fun".
I hear you thinking: isn't this much like begging her for her contact info?
To the male mind it seems so, yeah... but to women?
They'll think "awhhh..." and they´ll feel bad about rejecting you...
Because they recognize it as "you made me feel bad by rejecting me,
while I only wanted to talk to you. You can make it up to me though
by doing blah blah blah..."
And they'll be happy to do it so you'll feel better, just like their mother/caretaker
instincts tells them to do.
Sure, it's a little less glorious than getting her number right away...
But it STILL works time after friggin' time!
It´s where the vast majority of men go wrong: they think about women
from a man´s perspective.
I call this "Attraction Circuitry Projection":
Assuming that women are attracted to the same thing YOU are.
Here´s a simple example: men are attracted to youth, beauty, physique...
and so they think women are attracted to looks too. Meanwhile, women value
personality and charisma and think men value the same things too.
While it´s true that women value looks, it´s not a 100% about looks to them,
but more something in the range of 20%... and the same thing goes for men
with personality and charisma: to us that only counts for like 20% as well.
So our upbringing and this funny little mindgame we play are the causes of
our fear of rejection. Think about it: we assume women won´t like us because
we´re bald (looks!), overweight (looks!), because we wear glasses (looks!) etc.
So the KEY to a lifestyle that´s 100% REJECTION FREE...
Is understanding female psychology, so what women REALLY value and not what
our wiring tells us they probably could be attracted to because we like it too.
Because the latter is a very BAD ASSUMPTION my friend, and you need to reprogram that.
And my Simple Inner Game System will hand you the keys to the kingdom of
female psychology: it gives you a scientific formula that explains what qualities
in a man create attraction and why... and it even lets you become a woman´s
fantasy by showing you what the psychological needs of women are!
I´m dead serious here... the System gives you the tools to become a near Casanova
who can quickly get dates with as much women as he likes without much effort...
until your friends actually start thinking that you throw some kind of Love Potion Number 9
in women´s drinks because your ridiculous success with women just can´t be real...
But it is! And if you want the Simple Inner Game System to give you THAT much success
with women & dating, then I highly recommend you check it out by clicking the link below:
The Simple Inner Game System
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SUCCESS STORY
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Carlos do you know that movie with Mel Gibson where he can hear what women
think all the time after he bumped his head?? Well, thats how I feel after getting
the simple inner game system!! Its like Ive become a psychological powerhouse
that can look into their minds hahaha!!
After talking for a while to this girl I met I discovered that her father died when
she was really young, you mentioned it somewhere inside the System and I
remembered so I did what you told me to do: everything a father figure would
normally do. This girl has been all over me since. We went on a date last
Wednesday and she went all the way with me!! When does that ever happen to
a guy that a woman sleeps with him on the first date?? Like never!!
Im so grateful. It was the first time I had sex in months. The psychological
needs techniques are more powerful than I though they would be, and I have
to be there next time you organize an inner game meeting on MSN!!
Thank you so much.
Roger, Dallas, USA
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MY COMMENTS
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Why do I get this feeling that Casanova soon won´t be the king of seducers
anymore after I read your success story?
And if you want these kinds of things happening to yourself too my dear reader,
then I suggest you start checking out the Simple Inner Game System.
The System will make the people around you actually think that you´re some
kind of celebrity hypnotist, because women just can´t help themselves when
they´re around you and seem to do what you want so fast that it´s almost like
they´re in some kind of trance... like you put a spell on them.
And if you want the Simple Inner Game System to give you THAT much success
with women & dating, then click the link below:
The Simple Inner Game System
Signing off,
Your friend Carlos