Posted by Carlos | Posted on 18-06-2010
Going from the first date to the second date to a relationship is VERY different from meeting women, getting their number & asking them out. I already kinda covered in my blog post about what to say on a first date…
But let’s take a step back. Question: have you ever dated a woman and out of nowhere she seemed to have lost interest in you and didn’t want to go on the second date? I know I have!
Ever said you really, really like a woman way too fast which made her freak out and almost RUN AWAY from you? Again, I’m guilty to here: I did it with this Bosnian chick named Amra for example.
Oh come on! Be honest… drop the macho act for a second. Why?
Because almost every average guy has experienced it at least once in his life. And it’s frustrating isn’t it?
It makes a man desperate: You finally meet a beautiful, interesting woman. You manage to get her phone number. You have success with asking her out. But then, then everything goes to hell and you NEVER get the second date…
You never go from a first date to the second date and then to a relationship with the hot chick you like.
Don’t you just HATE it when you can’t get the second date? When you can’t go from dates to relationships? If your answer is a quick “YES”, then check out my top 3 tips for how to get the second date (and after a while a relationship).
Get ready for your survival guide for having long term success, for going on multiple dates with one woman… and do that with MASSIVE success.
Don’t say I didn’t warn you, because dude… this WILL be pretty damn confrontational!
How To Get The Second Date Tip #1: Your Expectations…
Women and men look at a date in different ways. We have a different mindset. And the sad thing about it is that men screw up their chances on a date too often because they take a date way too seriously. It’s why they never get the second date, or a third date, or a fourth date…
Women think of a date as “let’s see what happens” and “I like this guy, so I wonder where this will go”. They think about dating in a much more casual way than men do. The majority of women still think in the exact same way after dating a guy several times. You (and I) as men though?
Men think about the person we’re dating in a VERY different and more desperate way than women do. And it doesn’t matter if it’s before the first date, the second date, or otherwise.
You wonder if the woman you’re dating will be your next girlfriend. You ask yourself if you will be able to kiss her if you like her and if you two will have sex…
And the result is (too) HIGH EXPECTATIONS:
You hope she’s “the one”, you hope she’s your next girlfriend, you hope you will get lucky at the end of the date… and that’s a problem…
You’re putting enormous pressure on your shoulders because you think “I don’t want to screw things up because she may be the one so I can’t make mistakes”. It will only make you nervous, uncomfortable, and quiet… which is NOT what you need on dates.
By thinking about losing her or screwing up, you actually DO screw up.
The best advice I can give you right now, especially for the second date, is TAKE A CHILL PILL!
Work on relaxing and thinking “let’s see what happens” and “I kinda like this lady, so let’s see where this goes.” Develop a “female” mindset about dates…
I know that’s tough, but the rest of these tips will help ya. And you NEED to help yourself with your expectations, because guess what?
If you get the second date and more dates with a woman, you’ll start hoping that she actually IS the one. The stakes get higher with every date, so you get more nervous unless you do something about your expectations…
Which brings me to tip number 2..
How To Get The Second Date Tip #2: The “3 Magic Words”…
Most men suffer from too high expectations when they go on a date with a woman. And most men aren’t dumb: they know they need to do something about their expectations, but the problem is HOW they do it.
Don’t get me wrong, I used to do this all the time when I first started to learn how to date women. Sometimes on the second date, sometimes even on the first when I talked to a woman for months before I could take her out!
I’m willing to bet you have made the same mistakes, because 9 out of 10 men make this mistake…
Because you want to stop doubting if the woman you’re dating is your next girlfriend or not? Because you want to know if a woman is yours or not? You tell her how you feel (you tell her the 3 magic words: I love you) and you hope to hear the words “I feel the same way, let’s be together.”
We tell women as soon as the first date, or on the second date. This is even more true when we had to wait weeks or months to get a woman on a date… it almost seems leek you, me, and we as men CAN’T WAIT to tell a woman how we feel because we like her so much…
A woman’s reaction is NOT “I feel the same way” when you confess your feelings early on.
When you tell a woman you love her too early, she will think: “How can you know you love me when you don’t know me that well? What you’re saying can’t be true, you can’t love the real me because you don’t know the real me yet!!”
And that’s when you scare a woman away from you before/during/after the second date, because:
1) You can’t get any more desperate than confessing your feelings during one of the first few dates
2) Because a woman believes you don’t know her personally enough yet after a couple dates (even if you’ve been talking for months), she thinks you don’t love her as a person. And my friend: women only want a man that has a genuine interest in them, someone who likes them as a person!
Best advice I can give you: If a woman asks you herself what you think of her during the first couple dates, only go as far as telling her you like her a lot and want to see where things will go. If she herself says she loves you, you can say it back if you feel the same way…
But when you’re not in one of these 2 situations? I would wait until you’ve gone on AT LEAST 6-10 dates before you confess your feelings.
By waiting for 6-10 dates with confessing all of your feelings, she knows you want to get to know her better. She knows you’ve got your own life. She knows you’re not desperate. That’s what a woman wants…
And remember: most men don’t even wait 6-10 dates before they say how they feel, they say it way too early.
Do you realize what that means?
It means that if you’re the one guy that waits, that holds off the boat, a woman wants to find out why. A woman will start to think you’re hard to get and she will make an effort of getting you and keeping you!
IMPORTANT NOTE: there’s a BIG difference between not confessing all of your feelings on a first or the second date… and not kissing her or having sex with her.
I go for the kiss (and possibly, sex) on the first date and I wait with my feelings for her (if I have them) until after 6-10 dates.
How To Get The Second Date Tip #3: Back To The Future
A lot of guys have asked me if there is a difference between dating and relationships. I always answer YES. I have experienced myself and have seen it with dozens of my fans and customers, that the dating game requires them to stay on top all day while the relationship game is a little slower.
What I mean by that is: in a relationship, you don’t have to create a connection and create attraction with a woman all the time. Sometimes you do, and sometimes you can just be together.
But in the dating game, that period from the second date to a relationship? It’s all about showing a woman what a future with you will look like… there’s no getting second dates if you don’t do it right
And none one wants a boring ass, predictable, stay-at-home type life filled with routines and obligations. Do you want that?
No? yeah I thought so…
The super boring life is actually one of the biggest reasons why “early relationships” (people who go on 1-6 dates) FAIL: it quickly becomes a routine, something that doesn’t excite at all.
Why is it a super boring life? Because guys take their date to the same damn place almost every time or do the same stuff on almost every date.
You have to show a woman that she has a chance to be a part of your exciting lifestyle on the second date…
Show her your life is awesome and that she has a shot of joining the fun, the adventures, the risks, the good stuff… and she will fall in love with you. Guaranteed. Everyone wants an exciting life. People are drawn to those who have an exciting lifestyle…
The solution to the problem of the super boring future with you is real easy: switch things up.. and be unpredictable.
Go and do on the second date what’s not expected from you, like indoor rock climbing, winetasting, or doing a little surfing competition against your date.
But whatever you do, be playful: don’t just sit there and talk. Tell her you’re feeding desser to her and then tease her with the spoon that “accidentally” misses her mouth. That kinda stuff.
And instead of going to the same place every time, try going to several places with entirely different atmospheres. Take her on a risky date full of fun and adventure the first time. Then take her on a very romantic date for the second date…
Then take her on a totally relaxing date (a health spa, tanning on the beach, a beachwalk, a forest walk, a picknick, etc.)
Here’s a juicy secret: one of the most successful seducers that ever lived also used this strategy of changing atmospheres. He also went from adventure to romance to relaxed to mysterious atmospheres on the first date, the second date, etc.
Wanna know his name?
His name is Casanova.
To summarize how to get the second date here:
- Lower your expectations and only think as far as “let’s see what happens” about your date
- Don’t say I love you and/or confess your feelings too early. Wait at least until date number 6
- Not confessing your feelings too early does NOT mean you can’t kiss a woman or have sex with her. Go as far as you can physically, but be careful emotionally or you ruin your chances…
- Show a woman a future with you is exciting and awesome: do something different and go to different places during several dates
- Change atmopshere during a dates or during multiple dates: go from adventure to romance, from relaxed to mysterious. Just like Casanova.
Here are some questions for the comments about how to get the second date:
1) If you think back, how many times did you fail to get past the first date? Do you know why?
2) Have you ever said “I love you” too fast? Can you name any other reason why you failed to go from the second date to a relationship up until now?
3) What do YOU think is the best way to get the second date, a third date, and so on?
I love to hear from you, so be sure to comment with your thoughts or answers to my questions!
And now? Now this movie maniac and coffee worshipper is going to combine his two addictions by watching A-Team the movie while drinking his black gold with extra extra sugar.
I grew up on the A-Team series as a kid so I’m worried that this movie will be one big damn disappointment. But we will see that in a minute now won’t we?
I hope you remember my advice on getting the second date when the time is right… and now it’s B.A. Baraccus time!
To More Dating Success,
Win With Women
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