Carlos Xuma Interview August 2011

I recently got an email from a group of friends, all Win With Women blog readers, who insisted I shared some of the thoughts that inspired me to write certain pages and blog posts.

And who am I to refuse to give some of my biggest fans a behind the scenes look of Win With Women? I’m not an egotripping movie star or anything, so I honored their request.

After going back and forth for a while, one of the guys (Peter) mailed me a bunch of questions that you’ll find the answers to below.

So, here we go!

=> Peter and friends: Fairly recently you created a whole bunch of pages with frequently asked questions about texting girls, getting girls, and so on. Why?

=> Carlos Xuma: Good one! I’ve been giving tips to guys about what to do to improve their life and/or get more women for several years now. I get so many questions via email, Facebook, and over the phone that it almost scares me how little the average guy really knows about the dating game.

And it wasn’t long before I started seeing certain patterns in the questions that were being asked. For example, guys who are into meeting girls online usually have questions about which site to get a profile on, how to put on their profile to attract women with, and how to approach women online.

That’s where the FAQ pages came from: they’re a way for me to answer the most common questions guys ask me before they’ve even asked me. I also made sure to link to lots of my best blog posts on those pages so anyone can also find out more about a certain topic if they want to.

So far, I’ve gotten lots of compliments for the FAQ pages so I’ve decided to keep using them.

=> Peter and friends: Did questions from avid readers of the blog lead you to create pages like those on how to text a girl?

=> Carlos: No, not really.

When you’ve written as many blog posts and pages as I have, it can confuse people. For example, I got a collection of around 20-30 blog posts on meeting girls online and writing profiles alone. They couldn’t all be found in one place before and I thought that was such a shame. That it wasn’t user-friendly, you know?

What’s more, I write about topics ranging from approaching women to keeping relationships interesting. So, it’s easy for people looking for specific topics for certain areas of the dating game to lose sight of where to find what.

Needless to say, I had to make some “overview” pages where I show dudes where to find all of the various blog posts about a profile for dating for example. That’s where those pages come from: they’re basically a list of all the blog posts in a series of posts about a specific topic.

=> Peter and friends: Why the pages in Dutch, like the versieren page? Aren’t most of your readers from the US?

=> Carlos: Well, most of the blog’s visitors are from the US, Canada, and the UK. That’s true. But I was born and raised in the Netherlands, so it’s nostalgia, being a patriot or whatever you want to call it.

And strangely enough, although most of my readers are people in the US? The majority of guys that end up asking me questions are actually from the Netherlands. I don’t know why, but who am I to complain? I just made them a special page and hope they like it haha!

=> Peter and friends: What is your own personal favorite topic to discuss?

=> Carlos Xuma: Hmm, let’s see. I think it’s the many subtleties of attraction. I’m obsessed by them, by examining them all! For example, among guys who’ve been learning how to meet and date women? It’s well-known that being unpredictable creates attraction… BUT…

They all forgot that there are different types of women. Not every woman is made equal my friends.

Women for example tend to either be chaotic (disorganized) or neurotic (organized) in nature just like the rest of us. Sure, being unpredictable always works, but with a woman who’s neurotic? It’s much less effective, becuase neurotics HATE chaos. Everything needs to be perfectly aligned and categorized for them.

On the other hand, chaotic women will run away screaming if you force them to categorize, organize, and perfectly align everything. They’ll love the unpredictability. They’ll eat it up. It works way better with them than anything else.

Do you see what I’m talking about here? Let’s say unpredictability normally scores you 2 points with women (work with me here). Then for neurotic women you’ll only get half a point or one point, while you get 4 with chaotic women.

This is just one of the many subtleties of attraction. That’s the kind of stuff I like to explore.

=> Peter and friends: We all really liked your online dating profile examples. They’re without a doubt the best on the web, but is there a reason for it? Why are you so good at online dating?

=> Carlos: Because I’m the pinnacle of awesomeness. Just kidding! You have to understand that I grew up with an IT geek for a dad and that means that I grew up among computers, Google, YouTube and so on. So to me? I first started trying to meet and date women with what I was most familiar with: the internet.

And I didn’t log on a site for an hour or so to check if I had received any responses. Oh no! I tried to make a sport out of online dating: I was busy figuring out how to date women online 3-4 hours a day, every day.

I still sucked at it though haha, but as soon as I learned what attraction really was all about thanks to some new found friends who were naturals in the art of seduction? I went back online and tried again, again for 3-4 hours a day, but this time successfully!

That’s why I like examining samples of dating profiles: I’ve tried anything under the sun when it comes to online dating, so I’m more than happy to share the results with anyone who’s willing to listen.

=> Peter and friends: Is it true that you hated calling women and texting women when you were trying to learn how to date women yourself?

=> Carlos: Yes, that’s actually true! How did you find out?

I don’t know why, but early on in my “dating career” I was clueless about how to call girls. I disliked it. I was, believe it or not, better at talking to women online and face-to-face than with a phone. So, I tried to avoid it at all costs.

At a certain moment in time I felt it was such a handicap that I had to do something about it. That’s why I decided to work in a callcenter. I decided I’d rather dropped dead than admit defeat and accept a handicap in the dating game as it were, so I worked in callcenters for a looong time. In total, we’re talking about 3-4 years here.

But you know what? I mastered the art of how to call girls because of it. It’s like I always ask guys: are you a product of our environment or is your environment a product of you? I decided to take control of my own destiny and do something about my hate for calling and texting.

=> Peter and friends: You’re well-known for challenging the beliefs of men (including ours) and trying to make them see attraction in a new light but why? Were you always the rebel type trying to change the status quo or is there another reason?

=> Carlos: You guys almost sound like psychologists right there haha! It’s true that I’ve always been a troublemaker, a rebel, throughout my life. That combined with a vivid imagination makes for a guy who always challenges the accepted view on things in new ways: me.

I’m also trying to make guys think about how to seduce females in various ways on purpose. You see, guys everywhere are looking at the dating game with scarcity eyes. Through insecure eyes filled with fear:

At first, they think there’s only one woman who’s right for them so they must do everything they can to get a woman on a date. They see all kinds of limits and obstacles and they’re afraid. Afraid of rejection. Afraid of approaching.

And what I try to do is open their eyes. Wake them up. Make them see with FACTS that there are thousands of women that are right for them… and that there are billions of ways to attract women. That the only true obstacle is one’s imagination, because if you can stay calm in any situation and improvise? You can get any woman.

=> Peter and friends: What are the biggest problems that prevent guys like us from getting what we want?

=> Carlos Xuma: I would say approach anxiety and not knowing how to call a woman. Surprised? Don’t be, because in my opinion they are both the start of an approach. Allow me to explain…

Firs and foremost, if you never get to talk to women? You’ll never get a date.

So with approach anxiety it’s pretty obvious: if you’re too afraid to approach, you won’t. Because you won’t, you’ll be alone… until you do something about it. That makes doing something about it a CRUCIAL goal for any guy looking to achieve more dating success.

The how to call a woman part is a little less obvious. But it, too, is about that very beginning of the approach that goes wrong… and because of it… all bets are off.

Think about it: most guys approach a woman after they get over the anxiety, attract her, get her number, and go home. That’s the first approach.

Then, they want to call her and get a date the next day or after several days. This is the second approach. And simply by making sure the start of that second approach is solid? A guy DOUBLES his chances to get a date. That’s because he’ll go from 1 out of 5 phone numbers leading to a date to 3 out of 5 leading to it!

… THE END …

That’s all folks! Hope you liked this Carlos Xuma interview. I’ve done a lot lately, haven’t I? I know! I’ll promise to do less of them so you can learn less from me okay? Haha!

To More Dating Success,

Carlos Xuma
Win With Women