Posted by Carlos Xuma | Posted on 14-07-2011
Let’s cut what happens when you call her into little pieces, see what goes where and why, and put it all back together again so you know how to call her and get what you want.
It’s not often that I do this, but since most regular guys like you and me ask a girl for her number and then want to know everything there is to know about how to call her so we can’t screw up?
I thought I’d give it a try. Here we go!
How To Call Her: Initial Anxiety
The first stage of figuring out how to call her is all about getting past the initial anxiety.
It’s when you get nervous and start sweating the moment the phone starts dialing… duuuu… duuuu… and then she answers the phone (or not).
Let’s assume she answers the phone so I can show you how to call her by overcoming your stage fright.
Do you start to ask yourself if you have something witty to say at this point? And/Or are you having trouble speaking in the first place because it feels like there’s an enormous potato stuck in your throat that prevents you from talking?
Then relax dude. You’re making too much of an issue out of a silly phone call. There’s nothing to be afraid about, because women are far from scary:
- They have insecurities, just like you do. They just worry about different stuff you haven’t thought of yourself (example: fat ankles, big thighs, and other silly stuff)
- Women poop. And it smells too.
- Although you’re afraid of rejection, women have a heart too. Hell, they’re way more emotional than you’ll ever be. Do you think they LIKE rejecting guys? No they don’t.
In short: when it comes to learning how to call her, the first thing you should remember is that it’s no big deal. It’s nothing scary.
And if you’re still afraid of rejection, then know this: it’s nothing more than a childhood trauma, but you’re not a child anymore.
You see, when you were young and growing up? You were impressionable, meaning that it was easy for lots of things to have a big impact on you and to influence the way you think.
Now, this is where conditional love comes in: your parents would reward you (love you) for doing what they wanted, but punish you (withdraw your love) when you did not do it.
In other words: you got the idea that if you don’t do what people like, you will be rejected. That if you don’t get someone’s approval, they will not love you. This is a major clue!
Because you’re ASSUMING now that women don’t like to be approached by men such as yourself who have sexual intentions, so you assume you will be rejected.
You can’t see how a woman would approve of you wanting to have sex with her, so you assume she won’t like you… while women want to date guys as much as guys want to date women.
Doesn’t knowing this make learning how to call her WAY easier?
How To Call Her Step 2: Conversation Starters
Now that you’re not scared anymore, let’s look at the beginning of how to call her: conversation starters.
First off, reminding her of who you are as soon as she answers the phone is desperate. Think about it: you assume you’re not important enough to be remembered, so you try to make her remember.
Doing the opposite (not reminding her) makes you come across much more confident, because you’re indirectly telling her that you ARE important.
So don’t you dare ask if she knows who you are. That’s NOT how to call her!
Use one of the conversation starters you’ll find below instead.
If you’ve never been to the Win With Women blog before, then don’t discard my tips as “I can’t say that, it’s rude” because there IS a method to the madness. I explain things below an example so you’ll understand…
You: “Yes, hello, is this XYZ (replace XYZ with her name)?”
You: “Are you sure? Because you sound like a man and XYZ (her name) is this cute girl I met the other day…”
This is how to call her and create attraction with playful teasing. It works because while most are quiet or start stuttering because they’re impressed by a woman’s looks, you’re not impressed. You let a woman know you expect more than a pretty face before you can like her, which makes you hard to get…
And no one really wants something they can easily get. Therefore, by being hard to get you’re more attractive to her than other guys who are not.
As I explain inside my Calling Women and Texting Women Program, there are many other ways of creating attraction besides teasing, but let’s continue with more examples of how to call her for now…
You: “Hey Sandra! How are you?”
Her: “What? Who’s Sandra?”
You: “Oh sorry, I mix up people’s names all the time. Hey uhh… you!”
Not only is this being hard to get by playfully teasing her, it’s also being hard to get by letting her know she needs to fight for you because she has competition.
You: “Hey, how are you! Did you manage to … (replace … with whatever she was trying to do when you met her)?”
Her: “Bla bla bla”
You: “Sorry, you were saying? I was distracted by the memory of your curves shaking away from me after we met.”
This is being direct with a woman: showing her you’re sexually interested without beating around the bush. It can be extremely attractive to women because it shows you have more confidence than most guys she’s met (because almost no one dares to say this)…
And confidence is what to women? That’s right, attractive.
How To Call Her Step 3: Connect & Attract
So we started the conversation in a great way, but when it comes to how to call her? Most men screw up what follows next…
It’s the middle of the conversation. The part where you need to figure out how to call her and create enough attraction AND connection for her to want to get to know you better.
By now, you should already had the feeling that attraction is sexual interest, sexual tension or whatever you want to call it. But what about connection?
Creating a connection is all about making her feel comfortable and safe. About making her see you as trustworthy enough. Don’t create it and you will NEVER get a date.
You simply must create an emotional/mental connection before you can proceed with the next steps of how to call her.
And most average guys like you and me get it all wrong. We try to come up with conversation topics and witty things to say and bla bla bla… and sooner or later, there are awkward silences. That’s what happens when you start with attraction.
You need to start with connection: let HER do the talking. Let HER explain.
Because the more she tells you, the more you can use “against” her to create attraction with. You can’t tease her about her grandmother who’s obsessed with donuts if she never tells you, know what I mean?
So first connect, then attract.
Put differently: get something from her (information), give something to her (reaction which creates attraction).
That’s the easiest way for how to call her.
And in case you’re wondering: “how do you create a connection when you call her?”
Ask open-ended questions (questions that require more than a yes/no) like these…
- What’s the …-est (scariest, happiest, weirdest, dumbest, etc.) thing that’s ever happened to you?
- If you could be someone else for a day, who would you be and why?
- Where do you see yourself 5 years from now?
- Be honest: what’s the one thing you never understood about guys?
- What’s the hone thing someone can wake you up for in the middle of the night?
Some of these questions lead to deep answers, others are the perfect set up for teasing her, and still others invite her to use her fantasy.
NOTE: you may need to go ahead and answer these questions first to lure her out of her safe house or so to speak and make her feel comfortable enough to give you some answers.
How To Call Her Step 4: Changing Topics
When learning how to call her, it’s rare to have a need to change topics when you first create a connection and then boost the attraction…
But still, it may happen, so I want to prepare you for it.
You can tell when it’s time to change topics when you’re, for example, teasing her and she goes from responding with laughs and giggles to being pretty quiet. That’s when the teasing stops being funny to her, so you need to move on.
So here are some tips for how to call her and change topics…
- Regression therapy: go back… to the first moment you two met. What was she wearing? What was she doing? Start asking questions and comment on that.
- Obi Yawn Kenobi: I know, I’m using weird creative names right now. But you know what? They make it easier for you to remember. This is where she says something and you say “Booooooring” and change the topic to something exciting, like questions about how adventurous she is (has she ever gone skydiving, stuff like that) that you can tease her with (most people don’t do risky stuff, so call her a chicken for not dating it)
- Debate club: whenever she asks you something you don’t want to tell (or you’ve gone a little too far with the teasing), the best thing you can do is talk about what interests women most: men, dating, other women. Start the “debate” about why women give fake phone numbers instead of straight up rejecting guys, if women who dress sex should be taken seriously in a work situation, etc. Typical boy versus girl stuff will do the trick.
That’s how to call her and change topics, should you ever need to do it.
How To Call Her Step 5: Asking Her Out
The previous 4 steps of how to call her can take place in a matter of minutes or in a matter of hours. It depends…
What does it depend on? On how quick you are to cut to the chase dude! Remember that calling her is a means to an end: you want to end up dating her, not end up calling her some more.
That means that after you get past the initial anxiety, starting the conversation well when you call her, connecting and attracting, and changing topics (if you needed to)? You have to ask her out if you want the conversation to go anywhere.
And when it comes to how to call her, you don’t need hours for the middle part of the conversation. Create some connection, create some attraction, but that’s it. Time to cash in, you know?
The easiest way to cash in on the phone call is to let it progress naturally like so:
“You know what? I have to go now, but let’s continue this conversation later over coffee.”
It doesn’t have to be coffee by the way, I’m just saying that because I’m a coffee junkie. It can also be over drinks, over cherry pie, over some French fries. Doesn’t matter.
What DOES matter is that you didn’t ask her to date you. You told her so. The first is desperate and let’s her lead you, the latter is confident and lets you lead her. The latter always gets the girl, the first one rarely does.
Don’t ask her for a time either. Tell her the best time for you would be on … at such and such time. The only time you ask her when it comes to getting a date is if she says she can’t make it then. Then you ask which days she’s available and then tell her a time.
Now THAT’S how to call her and “ask” her out properly.
How To Call Her Step 6: Dealing With Objections
I can almost hear you think: “But how to call her and get a date when she says no?”
Don’t worry, because here’s your how to call her and deal with objections lesson (wew, that was quite a mouthful):
- “I’m busy” => If she says it once, fine, but twice or more? She’s avoiding you! This objection simply means she’s not interested… and the only way to deal with it is to move on
- “I don’t know you that well yet” => Don’t think this is a definite no. It’s a no, not yet. This means you need to connect more, attract more, and try again. If unsuccessful, call her some other time and try again. Still no luck? Move on dude.
- “I don’t feel comfortable going out with you alone” => Again, this is a not yet instead of a definite no. This is where you need to find a wingman, tell her to bring a friend, and go on a double date.
How To Call Her Step 7: The X-Factor
If you managed to read this far, then congratulations! You’ve almost mastered learning how to call her…
I said almost, because there’s always an X-factor… other things you need to know but didn’t expect, like if the woman you’re calling doesn’t like being teased AT ALL. In those cases it’s best to create attraction by being mysterious, dominant or by being picky.
Plus, I haven’t even discussed things like what to say to get a second date and when to say it.
But don’t worry my friend, because I reveal all of this, and more, inside my Calling Women and Texting Women Program.
It shows you how to get a first date, second, third, etc. when you call her 9 out of 10 times… and all without much effort… so check it out now:
I hope you liked this step-by-step explanation of how to call her and get a date. Now start using it already and be sure to check out the Program for even more awesome tips!
To More Dating Success,
Win With Women