Want to know which topics I discussed during the interview? Then keep on reading below…

A self help coach from Belgium was supposed to interview me, she couldn’t make it for some reason, so I got my girlfriend to do the video interview with me because that self help coach had some tough questions for me. And you know what? I wanted to answer every single question that coach had for me to prove a point!

I wanted to prove that I am not who she thought me to be and that I’m not what she thought me to be.

Here are some of the topics she wanted to ask me questions about:

– The situation with Joseph Matthews (also known as Thundercat) and why I hate him and think he’s a liar

– Why I am a controversial dating coach in the Netherlands

– My thoughts on why mainstream media and “regular” dating coaches make fun of pick up artists and vice versa. And why both sides are DEAD WRONG.

– What makes me different from other dating coaches and my thoughts on FAKE dating coaches who want to scam you out of your money

My answers will both please you and shock you… just like you’ve gotten used to from me.

And as always, I LOVE any and all feedback on my stuff so here are some questions you can comment on:

1) What did you love about the interview? What did you hate about the interview?
2) What are YOUR thoughts on the topics I discussed during the interview?

By the way, keep watching my official Youtube channel on:

www.youtube.com/CarlosXumaChannel

… for more free videos with dating advice for men and my thoughts on almost everything.

I’m off to my coffee machine in a few short moments. This coffee junkie needs his daily dose of Douwe Egberts again. It’s the best caffein any Dutchman can get himself! And don’t you talk about coffee rehab, lol!

Hope you liked the Carlos Xuma interview… buh bye!

To More Dating Success,

Carlos Xuma
Win With Women

P.S. Want more free tips about what I\\'ve talked about today? About raising your confidence through the roof, meeting girls anywhere & anytime, creating raw sexual attraction, and more? Make sure you get your secrets, ebooks, and email updates by signing up for my newsletter below NOW. Remember, it only takes 60 seconds to get more strategies and stealth sexual tactics, so do it. Sign up below.

Free Audiobook MP3 Download! 7 Ninja Attraction Tactics - How To Attract Girls With Stealth Strategies Sneak past her defenses and get the girl - with NO resistance and NO rejection. LIMITED TIME OFFER: Just enter your email below and get your 7 Ninja Attraction Tactics Audiobook MP3...

The post Carlos Xuma Interview – May 2010 appeared first on How To Win With Women.

Here’s some backstory: years ago he saw his friends being broke but still getting the girl, but he? Oh no, Carlos Xuma could NOT get the girl.

That’s when he made it his mission to start figuring out how attraction worked, even though he first believed it was impossible: “People don’t choose who they be with so you can’t control it…” he thought.

He has come a long way obviously and these days? Carlos DOES know how to control it…

So what did we talk about? A whole bunch of things really! We managed to cover a lot of ground in a short amount of time, so allow me to try and give you a brief overview of the interview with Carlos Xuma below…

What This Carlos Xuma Interview Was All About

– Approaching women: the biggest mistakes men make when they want to approach a woman, and why it’s not about knowing what to say first but knowing what to say second. This is such an easily prevented mistake that it scares both Carlos and me that it’s the most often made mistake in the book for men!

– Why canned pick up lines & routines won’t work when you want to learn how to approach women. Sure: they may start a conversation for you, but what’s the use if you can’t FINISH IT with getting women’s phone numbers or instant dates?

– Inner game: how we as men have been programmed in a completely wrong way and how it prevents us from having the success with women we really want. We’re talking the myth of women wanting flowers, candy, restaurants, and the whole nine yards here. But it’s also stuff like Valentine’s Day (it’s fake), why Hollywood has been messing with your head (with movies that reinforce false beliefs), and more…

– Inner game: why being independent, dominant and decisive as a man are qualities that women are attracted to (and the scientifical proof: it’s all in the genetics baby). It seems so obvious when you hear this. It’s a big “duhhh!” moment, yet still almost no man actually goes ahead and does it!

– Inner game: the art of showing genuine interest in women… why it’s the difference between “getting the gir” and NOT getting the girl and being rejected (and where your lifestyles comes in)

– The 3 best locations for meeting women… just wait until you hear what Carlos Xuma has to say about the advantages of speed dating (and organizing speed dating events)

– Relationship 101: how to handle relationships and how to keep a woman feeling attracted to you no matter what (and why most men AREN’T able to pull this off)

And much, much more…

Do you want access to my interview with dating guru Carlos Xuma?

Here’s How To Download The Carlos Xuma Interview

Want to get your hands on my interview with Carlos Xuma about inner game, relationships, where to find women and more? Then right click with your mouse on the link below and select “Save as…” from the drop down menu that appears, start downloading it, and enjoy!

Carlos Xuma Interview

After downloading the interview with Carlos Xuma, can you do me a favor?

Share your thoughts about our upbringing as men, showing a genuine interest or what qualities women are attracted to by posting a comment below.

I hope you liked the questions I asked Carlos Xuma and the interview itself. There are more interviews with dating gurus coming soon!

Until then, I’ll enjoy my fourth cup of insanely strong coffee (color: blacker than a blackhole) as the coffee junkie that I am, I’d like to say thank you Carlos Xuma for taking the time to do this interview with me, and adios amigos!

To More Dating Success,

Carlos Xuma
Win With Women

P.S. Want more free tips about what I\\'ve talked about today? About raising your confidence through the roof, meeting girls anywhere & anytime, creating raw sexual attraction, and more? Make sure you get your secrets, ebooks, and email updates by signing up for my newsletter below NOW. Remember, it only takes 60 seconds to get more strategies and stealth sexual tactics, so do it. Sign up below.

Free Audiobook MP3 Download! 7 Ninja Attraction Tactics - How To Attract Girls With Stealth Strategies Sneak past her defenses and get the girl - with NO resistance and NO rejection. LIMITED TIME OFFER: Just enter your email below and get your 7 Ninja Attraction Tactics Audiobook MP3...

The post Carlos Xuma Interview – Carlos Xuma’s Interviews With Dating Gurus appeared first on How To Win With Women.

So without further ado I present to you…Derek Rake!

Welcome Derek. I’m glad you took the time to do this interview with me. Off course the BIG question everyone always wants to ask is: How did you yourself start in the dating game, and how did you become an authority in it? Why are you a dating guru these days?

It was about 6 years back when I was on the verge of an extremely nasty breakup. During that time, I was in the middle of a dramatic change in my life, not only in terms of my relationship (with my then long-time girlfriend), but I was also in the midst of a career change – during that time, I was recruited into a Fortune 100 multinational.

At work, I was involved with a brief ‘fling’ with a colleague whom I liked very much, but didn’t respond to me in kind. I was heartbroken to say the least, and it drove me crazy as she flat-out refused my advances. I had the absolutely misplaced idea of “working hard” to win her over. It surprised me that the harder I ‘chased’, the more disinterested she became. I was totally crushed.

Seeking answers, I stumbled upon the seduction community online, and it absolutely blew me away. I stayed up many nights digesting the materials, and putting the stuff I learned during the day everywhere I went – at work, at the grocery store, at the pub.

The community during those days was less “fragmented” than it is today, and people were sharing information more freely then. I was on first-name basis with many of whom became ‘gurus’ today, and we came up with many concepts which were really groundbreaking then but are really
commonplace now.

My “transformation” definitely didn’t happen overnight, and I have slogged many hours reading and contributing to the forums, and more importantly, putting the stuff to practice. My experience all these years were culminated in my book, “How To Seduce Out Of Your League”.

You can find it on my website, www.deadlyseduction.com.

There are different schools of thought as far as seduction is concerned (direct or indirect, natural or routine, NLP or non-NLP), but most guys aren’t really that ‘pigeon-holed’ – we tend to pick what works and dump what’s not. So, that’s what I tried to do when I wrote “How To Seduce Out Of Your League”.

Wow, talk about persistence after heartbreaks! And when you think of all the people you’ve helped up until now…what’s the most amazing succes story you’ve come across so far?

There was this gentleman (let’s call him Rahul), a PhD candidate at a university in India. Rahul was absolutely TERRIFIED of women – he simply couldn’t bring himself to approach women and talk to them, and this had been a major obstacle in his ‘quest’for a girlfriend. Rahul has bought almost all of my books, and has emailed me specifically to ask for coaching. I had actually stopped doing coaching via email for some time then, but I made an exception for him. Following the examples given in my books, I was able to ‘craft’ him a sequence of tasks to perform from easy (ie talk to five strangers in one day and ask for movie recommendations) to moderately hard (ie walk up to a stranger and ask her for a phone number within thirty seconds).

I could have given you examples where the readers of my book have gotten laid from the techniques I taught in the book – there was this kid who wrote about his sexual conquests with THREE WOMEN AT ONE GO using one of my techniques – but I am more proud of the fact that I helped Rahul in overcoming his shyness and eventually having his first girlfriend.

The problem with most books on seduction is that they tend to be very heavy on theory, and light on examples.That’s what I addressed in my book – I want to give out as many examples (sample lines, conversation flows, etc) so that the theories come alive.

A man of practical application…niiiice! And your ‘How To Seduce Out Of Your League’ e-book you talked about, can you briefly sum up some of the causes for why men THINK certain women are out of their league and how to counter them?

It’s all in the mind, really. Human interaction is based on ‘value perception’ – we automatically assign ‘values’to the people we meet. Naturally, we feel more guarded when we talk to someone who we perceive to have higher value.

Going by this argument, men tend to value gorgeous women highly, and this resulted in the false perception that they are out of their league.

It is simple to counter this. Understand that beautiful women have their own insecurities and may not be as ‘perfect’as we usually perceive them to be.

Yes because they DON’T spend hours in front of the mirror because they’re so sure and secure about themselves! Very true! Also, I see a lot of NLP concepts being put to use in Out Of Your League, for example calibration. There are a lot of books and authorities out there dealing with NLP, can you as a dating guru give my readers your thoughts on where to start if they really want to go in-depth with NLP?

NLP is a vast subject on its own, and I really don’t recommend learning the theories for learning’s sake. Rather, I recommend learning the APPLICATION of the theory in seduction.

A simple collolary to this – the F1 racer doesn’t need to know how an F1 car engine works. He just needs to know how to drive the damn thing.

Wow…very insightful. I’m sure some people I know will have their eyes opened now with by a BIG bad aha moment, haha! But hey…you’ve written quite a few articles when it comes to seduction, but what is your personal favorite and why? Feel free to state where it can be found.

During the period where I studied the application of NLP in seduction very extensively, I have written a couple of articles focused on increasing sexual attraction using this technique called “fracteration”.

This is used extensively in hypnosis, but I have found that it could well be applied in non-hypnosis situations, and especially in seduction. I have written quite extensively on the subject (I even gave away an ebook for free on subject at my website. Some articles can be found easily by googling my name (Derek Rake).

One such article could be found here – “A Dirty Seduction Technique That Increases Sexual Desire Of A Woman For You” –
http://ezinearticles.com/?A-Dirty-Seduction-Technique-That-Increases-Sexual-Desire-Of-A-Woman-For-You&id=670500

I feel everybody leaving my blog right now so they can read that article you just gave them…ouch! By the way, a lot of dating guru’s describe in full color how to meet women and how to date them, but what are your thoughts on how and where to find them?

No hard and fast rules, really. The main misconception is that men need to go to clubs to meet women, but the reality is that you see women almost everywhere you go. Those who succeed with women don’t ‘limit’ themselves to certain venues only to meet women, but practice interacting with them wherever they go.

True indeed. You’re widely recognized within thecommunity for your seducer’s vault. Exactly what made you start The Seducer’s Vault?

It started when I converted my personal bookmarks and free files I downloaded into the form of an ebook resource. It was first for the benefit of my customers who bought my book, but then I made it available to everyone looking for free resources on seduction and dating gurus. Definitely a time saver – and free too. The resource is at http://www.theseducersvault.com

I’ve checked out many of the resources already, being a member of the vault for quite some time now. But there are a lot of men out there with less experience then the both of us when it comes to succes with women and dating. A common theme I stumble upon when talking to them is that there’s SO many info out there that they really don’t know where to start, when to use what, etc. What are your thoughts on this mister dating guru? And also, is it smart to focus on different systems for different skill sets? (For example David D for Inner Game, Mystery Method for approaching, etc.)

There’s a real danger to someone new to this to lap all this up WITHOUT going into the ‘field’ to practice what he learned.The key to success is to go out there and FAIL as quickly as possible. There’s no substitute for experience. This is what every dating guru should tell you!

It’s definitely smart to ‘pick and mix’ as far as systems are concerned. That’s what I did when I wrote “How To Seduce Out Of Your League”. The truth of the matter is there is no perfect system since there’s just too many variables involved. Choose what’s working for you, and to know that, you just have to go out there and practice.

Experience is what it’s alll about. But when it comes to lovelife experience, what are the biggest mistakes men make when it comes to dating on one hand, and relationships on the other hand?

It’s ironic that while guys get better at “pickup”and “dating”, they often fail at “relationships”.The mistake would be to take relationships for granted, and to stop working on them as hard as they should. It also doesn’t help that much of our knowledge base in the seduction community is on pickup, and not on maintaining relationships.

Yeah…I’ve noticed that too. Finally, you also get a lot of respect for your Rake Letters. Where can my readers find more about it and more about you? And to end everything nicely: where can people contact you with all of their dating and women questions?

The Rake Letters are currently available to selected subscribers of The Seducer’s Vault. This means that in order to be eligible to receive Rake Letters, one has to first download The Seducer’s Vault Report. The report is free. My email is rake@theseducersvault.com – I do try my best to answer all emails, but no guarantees as I do get a lot of them (up to 400 per day).

Yes I can imagine you’re a busy man. Thanks a lot for your time and the WONDEFUL insights you have given me and my readers.

***NOTE*** And there are so many other magical insights to share, and so little time..so if you want to get your greedy hands on more revolutionary “tricks of the trade”, then I highly recommend you check out the Win With Women 2.0 e-zine HERE

Now onto the bonus…you remember the part of the interview where mister dating guru Derek talked about where you could find one of the articles he has written?

Well…how about ME giving 40+ Derek Rake articles to YOU, my dear reader! You can find them HERE: http://ezinearticles.com/?expert=Derek_Rake

To More Dating Success,

Carlos Xuma
Win With Women

P.S. Want more free tips about what I\\'ve talked about today? About raising your confidence through the roof, meeting girls anywhere & anytime, creating raw sexual attraction, and more? Make sure you get your secrets, ebooks, and email updates by signing up for my newsletter below NOW. Remember, it only takes 60 seconds to get more strategies and stealth sexual tactics, so do it. Sign up below.

Free Audiobook MP3 Download! 7 Ninja Attraction Tactics - How To Attract Girls With Stealth Strategies Sneak past her defenses and get the girl - with NO resistance and NO rejection. LIMITED TIME OFFER: Just enter your email below and get your 7 Ninja Attraction Tactics Audiobook MP3...

The post Carlos Xuma Interviews Dating Guru Derek Rake appeared first on How To Win With Women.

Firstly, Thank you very much for your time, we know how busy you are as a dating guru and we appreciate this alot.
No problem…let’s get to it!

Tell us how you became involved in PUA and lifestyle change?

I’ve had several periods during my younger years where I HAD to change my lifestyle: I’ve moved homes 3 times, I once had thousands of dollars in bad debts thanks to a gold digger while I was in high school, got kicked to the kerb by my family TWICE after lots of fights, got involved with the wrong people and did some bad things etc.

On numerous occasions it was “change or die” for me, until I realized that most –if not ALL- problems originated from me not being able to communicate with women, not being able to understand them. I started doing bad things and was kicked to the kerb because I couldn’t handle my mother during the divorce and my stepmother afterwards, the gold digger and so forth.

So, by sheer coincidence I got Napoleon Hill’s Think And Grow Rich in e-book form as a gift for my birthday, read it and that was the start of the change that changed –and saved- my life FOR REAL. After reading it I started meeting women at school, on the internet, through friends…discovered there was such a thing as the “seduction community” after two years of being in the game, lol!

Over time I got to know other dating gurus like Derek Rake, Carlos Xuma, Adam Lyons… and the rest of my story can easily be found on the Win With Women blog. Just read the blog posts, lol!

What really motivated you to improve your lifestyle this way?

My biggest motivations to improve my lifestyle this way were the people I met.

You see, I made it my goal to surround myself with as much likeminded individuals as possible –and I did. One of those guys consistently had threesomes, instant dates AND parties and another got the digits of about five girls PER day…they made it look EASY! By seeing what they did, HOW they did it AND that they had LOTS of success thanks to it, I was motivated to improve whenever I was around them. I learned shitloads of techniques from them, things to say and so on…some of which I STILL use today!

Nevertheless, my biggest motivation (it still motivates the HECK out of me whenever I read just ONE chapter!) was a self help book called “Think & Grow Rich” by Napoleon Hill. I mentioned it before but thought I’d mention it again because in it?

Napoleon describes a thirteen step formula to achieve massive and consistent success and gather as much riches as a man can want…I simply replaced riches with women and BOOM! Worked like a charm. Thanks to this book and this book alone, I set goals for myself in the area of meeting women…ALL kinds of goals like get an x amount of kisses, approach women for an x amount of hours per week etc. It fired up my desire to win with women…helped me get rid off all my fears, alibi’s, excuses AND gave me the steps to get where I want in several areas of life. I highly recommend readers and all the other men on earth read it…

As you developed your skills in the field and grew into your role of dating guru, what lessons did you learn first hand from either mistakes or luck?

If I would describe them all, my answer would end up being an entire e-book! So let me just share a quick description of the two BIGGEST lessons I’ve learned:

1) Time management. I encountered exception girl number one, rarity number two, out of the ordinary circumstance number three…in other words: I was paying WAY too much attention to meaningless details, to “what should I do now’s?” while those women were EXCEPTIONS to the rule. So instead of walking away, I wasted time on trying to solve things or learn skills that only very rarely occurred or were very rarely needed. I also had very little time to approach because I had to combine work, school, friends AND the game while also being able to rest…so out of pure necessity a learned all kinds of ways to maximize my available time AND how to use my time more efficiently so I did more in ONE hour. I still reap the benefits today!

2) All is learning, there is no rejection or failure…only feedback. I realized that whenever I approached a girl and she didn’t reply that happily, didn’t gave me her number, disrespected me or whatever, it was just another skill I needed to learn…instead of feeling bad about ME as a person. So when I did NOT get that cutie’s # or a hottie’s email…I reflected: what did I do right already, what did I do wrong and thus need to learn, where can I improve even more? And all of a sudden, I started to LOVE those situations because I learned more from no results than from HAVING results, lol! This also made me much more relaxed, comfortable, enjoy myself = more #s and @s!

Skip ahead to the present day, looking back on your early development, what would you change or do differently?

Absolutely nothing! Napoleon Hill’s book inspired me to take action on my inability to deal, meet and BE with women. And I learned the game itself naturally by just DOING and reflecting afterwards and by surrounding myself with like minded men.

After having TONS of consistent success I discovered the community, started to comment on guys their problems, questions and so forth…and next thing I know they were asking ME for advice on a regular basis! Hence the blog and the personal coaching I do nowadays.

Which blog posts you’ve written do you like best? Any personal favorites?
Oh sure man! Since I starting getting results with women online before I got results anywhere else, I like helping men with their online dating profiles the most. That’s why my blog post with 7 samples of dating profiles is one of my favorites.

And since there are so many crappy online dating tips out there that make no sense at all and which are based on BS instead of facts, I also like my post with online date tips you should never follow. Trust me: it’s a real eye opener.

What achievements are you most proud of? Is it personal stuff or your achievements as a dating guru?

The thing I’m most proud of is my first student; you never forget your first one: your first car, your first love, your first student, lol!

I started to reply to his questions and topics on this seduction forum, than through a LOT of private messages and I saw him grow from start to finish. Over time I saw him get better and better until he eventually met a girl he liked for looks and character, but he didn’t escalate with her all the way when he had the chance…while she gave SEVERAL hints! I made him realize that, gave him advice on how he could STILL close the deal and sleep with her. Not even a week later, there it was: a topic on the forum saying how he slept with a girl (THAT girl) for the first time in AGES! Now THAT was pure fulfillment: seeing how my experience got someone else the girl and made him HAPPY.

I’ll never forget that…

As a PUA (pick up artist), what do you think are the most important things for beginners to focus on when learning about game?

Your way of thinking: anything the mind can conceive, it can believe and achieve. It’s basically like this: perception > values & beliefs > attitude > behavior, which is what Inner Game is. The first creates the second, the second the third and so on…you can not change who you are if you do not change the way in which you see the world, the way you THINK.

Now the most important things to do to get the right mindset are:
– Getting rid off your limiting beliefs. I can’t, I don’t, I’m too, I won’t, I shouldn’t, no, what if…basically EVERY negative or doubtful thought and word you say and think stems from a limiting belief, which is a only half right ASSUMPTION about a certain aspect of life, for example: “I can’t meet women because I have a fulltime job, I work out twice a week and see my friends during the weekend.” > I work SIXTY hours a week, work out twice, see my friends AND family AND still have time left to meet and attract girls and date them…because I know how to manage my time. So make a list of all the negatives you have and start COUNTERING them. Replace those bad habits with empowering beliefs, with healthy, good habits and you’ll see that ANYTHING is possible.

– Rome wasn’t built in a day. Most men tend to quit at the first sign of temporary defeat, while the biggest successes come AFTERWARDS: every failure brings with it a seed of equivalent success, of only you LEARN from your mistakes. Sometimes you have to be creative with that, but if you dig deep enough you WILL find new insights after mistakes. In other words: self-reflection, persistence & creativity are MUST-HAVE qualities any PUA should have.

Did you ever imagine you would become involved in this area of expertise? Why are you a dating guru and not a self help guru or whatever?

Not at all! Ever since I was a little boy I always wanted to have my own company, but in what line of work? I had NO clue. Really had no idea that being a dating guru was on the way and even if I did, how the hell can you plan for something like that?

I never found that line of work I liked enough although I did all kinds of coaching. Even when I got involved in the music industry and had success: it still didn’t FEEL right. But that was only until all kinds of people came to ME asking for advice about women, about sex, relationships, limiting beliefs and so on…and when I saw my advice was giving others success, and PUAs as well as guru’s complimented me on my stuff? That was when I KNEW I was born to do this. So by all means: come and talk to me on my blog because I LOVE helping men to win with women!

Onto your website, what was your inspiration for starting a blog?

I wanted to help MORE people, so I needed a bigger platform than a forum account. I thought a while about whether or not I should start an official dot com, but decided that I would first get my feet wet in the dating coach world.

In helping other men be successful with women, I contribute to their happiness…and I give something BACK to the game for helping ME get all that success. Seeing how my advice helps other men be happy AND prevents them from making the same mistake I did, gives me fulfillment. It truly is a blessing to be part of this! I feel very lucky for being able to help ALL these men wherever I can.

Did you seek any outside help from friends or co-workers?

For my own, personal game YES…like I said before, I’ve learned a great deal from friends who were naturals in the game. That’s why I befriended them: I wanted to have as many success models in my life as possible and still strive to do the same now.

And yes a LOT of people have helped me -and still do- with my blog/business, because every human is your master in some area…therefore I am both teacher and student and aim to help and BE helped by as much people as I possibly can! That’s why I only have friends and future friends…that’s pure Social Game by the way guys.

I’ve also approached gurus and people who I think can be my future success models, because my aim is to NEVER stop improving…I’m addicted to learning, lol!

You cover a number of very important and interesting topics which are aimed at improving your success with dating, what topics do you consider the most important and why?

Another question that would take me an answer that’s an entire book long…because there is no “one thing” or even “group of things” that says it all. And I’ll tell you why.

Men who’re beginning to meet women for dating (“PUAs”, which stands for Pick Up Artists) have the problem of attaching their self-worth to the outcome. In other words: when SHE reacts badly, THEY feel bad about themselves…they externalize their confidence and base how they feel on OTHER people’s opinions and behaviors.

Men who’re more advanced in the game ALSO have problems with the outcome however, and that is that they attach the SELF to the outcome: they start to IDENTIFY themselves with the game. In other words: when they’re not meeting women, they have no life…because game IS their life. Sounds pathetic huh? And it is! They base their life on SEDUCTION, while seduction should be based on their LIFE.

And that’s the biggest KEY insight a man can learn…because what works for YOU doesn’t necessarily works for ME. If you’re a bartender, you approach and meet women by promoting and having parties, being a master of mixing cocktails and being sexual with drinks (body shots etc.) and a BEAST on the dance floor. If you’re a fisherman, your approach to meeting and dating women may be entirely different: storytelling of your adventures at sea, taking women on your boat and doing Kino by teaching them how to steer, etc. you get the idea!

Now BOTH of these styles work, they co-exist yet are almost two opposite worlds. Does that make style one better than style two? NO, because they both work in their own unique way. This is why different methods have different results for different people, because they serve different wants and needs. Methods of game (routine based, natural etc.) are COMPLIMENTARY instead of contradicting and that is why I talk from neutral perspectives: I teach both routines and natural game, Inner Game and Outer Game, because it all depends on where you are on your journey…when it comes to what you need to improve.

Looking towards the future, what are your personal goals and what do you want to achieve through learning about the game and improving your own lifestyle?

Good question! I want to grow more with my blog and as a dating guru.

Better said: I want to become financially independent thanks to doing the thing I love, which is teaching men everywhere how to win with women on their own terms and as quickly as possible, in fact, I recently started personal coaching with two guys (coaching them on Online Game) so I’m already getting there!

In doing so, I’ve made a job out of my biggest passion: WOMEN. My goals are to, when I’m on my death bed; look back on a life in which I’ve created the BEST memories possible because I lived every moment to the fullest! And that’s what I’m all about: I LIVE my passions, instead of “doing the right thing” because family/friends/the world say so. Doing the right thing doesn’t necessarily means you’ll be happy…and I would rather be happy than live a life filled with regrets.

I’ve given up on many ‘right things to do’ in order for me to follow my biggest passion, and lots of people ask me if I regret that and funny thing is: I’m more happy now than I ever was…

In short: I want to become successful by making other people successful, because that gives me my fulfillment.

Thank you very much for your time. Look forward to working with you more in the future.

No problem David, Nick, I’ll talk to you guys soon.

To More Dating Success,

Carlos Xuma
Win With Women

P.S. Want more free tips about what I\\'ve talked about today? About raising your confidence through the roof, meeting girls anywhere & anytime, creating raw sexual attraction, and more? Make sure you get your secrets, ebooks, and email updates by signing up for my newsletter below NOW. Remember, it only takes 60 seconds to get more strategies and stealth sexual tactics, so do it. Sign up below.

Free Audiobook MP3 Download! 7 Ninja Attraction Tactics - How To Attract Girls With Stealth Strategies Sneak past her defenses and get the girl - with NO resistance and NO rejection. LIMITED TIME OFFER: Just enter your email below and get your 7 Ninja Attraction Tactics Audiobook MP3...

The post Interviews With Dating Gurus: Carlos Xuma appeared first on How To Win With Women.

Now….onto the interview!

Welcome Giant, how you doin buddy? So good to have you here and to finally have the opportunity to go in DEEP with you about your succes with women and dating!

No problem at all Carlos, glad you took the time because I KNOW you learned a couple of things from me.

Lol! Very true. So…let’s get started. Was there a time you had LESS succes with women, that you were a wussy? Or did you always have succes but just got more and more succesful over time?

To be honest: before I was like 15 or 16 I didn’t even look at girls! I was far to busy being outside, getting myself intro trouble and as a result of it getting spankies from my mother haha! Back then yeah I had some female friends, but the idea of wanting to date them didn’t even cross my mind because I was preoccupied by other things. That all changed however when I met this guy who was from my neighbourhood.

Right before my eyes I saw him talk to a girl in what, 1 minute? And show me her number, in the middle of conversations he suddenly walked away when he saw a ‘target’. The thing was he didn’t even have time to feel fear for approaching, rejection or whatever. He just did it. He always took me alongside with him to wild parties where there where dozens of beautiful girls, he arranged a yacht to party on with them once just by doing it with this rich chick, and on many adventures after that.
You can see what this does to a fairly young, impressionable kid: I wanted it all too!

I told him and by then we were big friends, so he said to me he wanted to pass his game on to the next generation: me! So he took me to clubs and whenever we saw girls, he told me what to say and almost kicked my ass into going over to her and saying it haha. But I did, and also did it in the streets during the day, on work, on school: no place was safe for us until eventually I moved and lost contact. But by then I had all the skills and confidence I needed to go out on my own and so I did. I’ve been mostly going out alone since then for like uhm, 4 or 5 years now? And I know some people out there shit in their pants when they go out on their own themselves, but it was just a matter of practise, then experience and the combined two gave me the results I guess.

Wow! So you’re actually a natural…who got trained by another natural! Talk about a good example of the mastermind principle of Napoleon Hill. But what you said about needing practise and experience for perfect game is VERY true in fact, most guys learning it by these dating products tend to forget that there’s more then theory. Anyways…that absolute LACK of fear for rejection and approaching, can you tell me more about that?

Sure. What I saw when I was with my friend, was that other guys would immediately stop talking to a girl at the first no, so the first obstacle she put up for them. I was like what the? Because when you were young and wanted something from your parents, like the newest racecar model or whatever, you begged and begged and tried everything you could think of to get that car, right? They said no, not right now boy! Why do you want it so bad? No! Ahhh look at how sweet you are, so racecars are a total obsession for you huh? Okay you can have it, but you have to do the dishes tonight then.
In the end I got it from my mom, so why act differently when around other women I thought? I still don’t understand to this day why most dudes out there quit way too soon. I almost forget: I’ve had many experiences where I was on a date with a cute girl, managed to isolate her and she told me no several times before we finally did it! Those situations were all a matter of keep going on and when she resisted, take a little longer or use another way to move from touching to kissing to nibbling for example.

One thing I always do by the way when I a girl throws an obstacle my way is something you learned and applied yourself. It depends on what the obstacle is off course, but most of the time girls tested me on either jealousy or time. So whenever they had something better to do then talking to me and I picked up on it I told this before they had the chance to tell me they were off, so I remained in control. I said: “I can see you’re busy with a couple things, so don’t let me interrupt you and do ya thing!” If they were not I immediately got their attention back but just to show my indifference I always followed up with even if you were, I don’t mind. And if they were busy, they would respect me for giving them their space to live their own lives.

They always laugh when I say it in my careless way and great thing is that it’s a win-win for me:
they aren’t busy > I have their full attention again but still showed indifference which they like,
and if they are busy > I have just gotten respect for my indifference and giving them space.

It makes you come across not needy, that’s what the strength behind it is I think.

Oh yeah, another thing about rejection I experienced was: if she kept saying no and gave me signals that she really wasn’t into me? I just quit and went on to the next one I saw walking there maybe a 1 minute walk from the b*tch, haha! My point is: there are so many women out there that I really didn’t care about any individual result because it always was about getting better to me and not getting that one way too stuck up girl. I had days were one turned me down, I turned around, and there was the next girl waiting to give me her email, she turned me down and when I turned around from that one I did get the email from a third one. Hell, I even remembered talking to several girls from a group until I closed one of them! So that’s what I mean with keep on keeping on.

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Onward…

About approaching, well, it’s pretty much the same thing. I can remember you yourself having trouble with finding the words to say to a woman, but it was just a matter of being to hard on yourself! You know how many emails and phonenumbers I got at the mall, on the street or whatever by just asking: Hi, did you have a nice day today? And it suprised you how many answered yes and told me about there day, remember? It’s the same with other things like how do you do or I’m new here do you know where I can find this and that: it’s delivery, not content. You see I ask them in a confident tone of voice, chest held high with my body in an open position with a slight smile on my face. Then I followed up with some witty comment I could think of, but always with a straight face. Have you noticed how I never laugh out loud when around them? Just that slight smile always? That’s what makes my remarks and moves more powerful, my composure, my…communication of higher status you call it right?

That’s right, and hell yeah I remember haha! You always have REALLY good body language, and with your WAY above average height it’s even more powerful. But I’m curious…I’ve seen you get a LOT of e-mails/phonenumbers from multiple girls, EVERYDAY. Did you experience any difficulties because of the sheer size of your contacts list?

D you yourself saw from being there with me that the playboy lifestyle is a lot less glorious then people want you to believe, so although I enjoyed and still enjoy it? Yes
it caused difficulties.

When you have gotten multiple emails or numbers the first week you’re like okay, niiice, let’s pimp! and whatever, but when you start having this succes on a regular basis you encounter problems.

I know I did, and you know I did too haha! For example: the problem I have closing a lot of deals is one of names, faces and memories. What I mean by this is that in a regular month where I closed 5 girls per day, I could not remember their name, their face or which information belonged to which girl! I needed processing time to not only connect the dots with a single girl, but also plan in dates with the woman! Caus I closed time after time but also had a regular life, and strange enough my approaching interferred with my closing, closing the entire deal and getting her into bed that is. That’s why with getting emails and numbers you’re only half way there.

But boy did I went through a lot because of dating multiple women at a time! Not only do you need processing time for a single girl, managing a system of approaching and closing multiple girls was a fulltime job. Telling each separate girl you’re fucking other girls leads to you know what, no girls, so I had to keep them undercover from each other. Turned my phone on when seeing one, hung up when one came and the other was on the line, had different emails for myself to talk with different girls, etc. I also got discovered a few times and so I had to run from family members and stuff being thrown at me by a girl more then once, hahaha! But it was all fun to me and it still is and I love women regardless.

You know what a lot of guys seem to forget about the game? The environment. I had much trouble dating multiple women at the same time in the past not only because of what I said earlier but mostly because of another thing. Thinking the people around you won’t talk about your experiences is a myth. Thinking you can get away with meeting an entire city full of beautiful women without consequences is a myth too. I experienced this little thing called a reputation. Without saying my name girl’s knew who I was, although our city has like half a million people in it as you know! But these girls knew I was someone living the playboy lifestyle and so the shields they put up around themselves for me were way stronger then before my rep. I still managed to close a lot of them in time though, but it took more time and it got more difficult over time too. I devised things as introducing myself using another name just to be able to avoid that rep because everywhere I said my name they said: ow you’re that player who…I guess I left quite an impression haha!

But my point is you can not continuously pick up in the same environment for a long period of time because it will work against you thanks to your rep, you have to take a break for a while. Also because I’m not a machine and not 24/7 busy with picking up women, you need to have an own life and recharge that battery from time to time too.

I made my breaks work for me and still manage to date multiple women at the same time, in the same town.

Wow…honest answer! I think it explains why you did your thing so well in confined environments. With this I mean school, work and such: these little places we frequently visit which makes it hard to not get into trouble because of it. So can you elaborate a bit more on your action-break system?

Sure, because I know how effective it has been in your own personal life too! It’s like this: at first I felt uncomfortable approaching women at school, work and these other places because it can be used against you. At work you can get fired because of harassment, not doing your job enough caus you’re always flirting, make it impossible to pick up because you’re picking up everyone and you can’t use another name so the rep’s always there. Same goes for the school. Everybody knows exactly who you are and the more you frequent the place, the harder it gets.

Since work and school were the places I spent most of my time I just had to come up with a way to deal with this problem. First I started to become friends with benefits with the girls, you know, flirting and generating attraction, touching them here and there but not closing them. This made me get to know a lot of women without the rep, but I wanted to close to started to get bored by it after a while and closed one or two.

My discovery basically came by coincidence: I just closed the two from before and another and saw the dynamics change as to girls looking at me different, but then I got sick. For two weeks I had to stay home because I was caughing my ass off,then came the day I came back to school and work. I remember it very clearly: everybody acted like before, although the girls I closed but didn’t want the relationship with ignored me the rest didn’t. Since I had no contact at all with those people during my little break I thought to myself: so whenever I start to get a reputation I have to lay low for a while and do nothing, which makes me go under the radar, and afterwards gives me the chance to start over! It worked that schoolyear. One times, two times, the entire year even. When people asked me why I was so quiet during the breaks (I would literally sit alone eating my lunch not talking to anybody, not even boys) I just said I was busy working on some things and they stopped asking. In the beginning I did the break just with the girls but talked to boys, but noticed how they gossiped stuff along to the females so that’s why my break has such an isolationist style, haha!

The bonus of the break was that I could recharge, think of new ways to do things and new places to go. Meanwhile I would entertain myself outside, with sports or just gaming to not get bored and I got my system to work really well for me. Everytime the break ended I was charged more then that Duracell bunny, and each time I got sore or a rep I took the break. It also made me unpredictable, scarce for everyone and thus more attractive. I had no trouble with having a low number of friends or little social interaction during breaks because of it, since I never started in the game to win a popularity contest. I started to be the best with women and dating and only that.

Damn! Very inspiring. I’ve seen you do most of your pick ups on the streets, with daygame. Why is it that you prefer daygame over other types of game settings? Because a LOT of guys out there see all kinds of limitations to it, like what to do if she’s at the other end of the subway station, further down the road, in a car and you’re on the sidewalk, etc.

I can see how other guys seem to have trouble with daygame because it’s during the day so they’re totally exposed and out in the open, in a free environment also but not me. You see, the streets are acces. Easy acces. I can walk outside right now, walk around, and find myself a really beautiful girl within five minutes of walking and this is a city with no catwalks, know what I’m saying?

I don’t have to get in nowhere or dress a certain kind of way because of the venture’s dresscode, no. I can go outside and I’m in: easy acces. Since it’s such a large environment a lot of people can move around in it: easy acces to a large amount of people. Also with this large open territory I can move freely without any boundaries, which you do encounter in the club with the dancefloor vs. the bar vs. the lounge conflict. You know? The advantage of no boundaries is that there’s ample space for me to show my body language, walk away from a girl a bit to show indifference, isolate her because there’s lots of room to isolate her in, etc.

What I also like about gaming during the game is that the women themselves offer easy acces. By this I mean I almost never experienced male competition in all those days I picked up women, it’s mostly quiet so I can say what I want and how I want it and openers like do you have the time, do you know where the nearest … is, how was your day work better there in my opinion because of the lack of competition, noise and the wide open environment. It makes those girl feel more open too so they’ll be more open. One other thing I noticed is how when they’re outside during the day, they’re almost always on their way. So when you’re asking for directions she’s more likely to walk a while with you when asking something that’s ‘accidently’ on her way there, you know? By this I mean you’ll leave her thinking she has gone with you somewhere already, which makes it harder for you to kiss, fuck or whatever her.

Thank you for being so open with me because although I’ve learned some things from you in the past, I’m also learning NOW so I think my readers are too. Since we all have to go across streets and daygame to reach things like clubs/bars/school/work and it’s thus something we spend a lot of time in, I want to dig a little deeper into daygame. I know you have a few approaches to space obstacles: if she’s on the other side of the road, 100 meters down the road, walking 10 steps behind you, etc. What’s your approach to these problems?

That’s simple D: stop thinking of it as limitations. You can do all sorts of things when the girl can see you but is at a distance from you. You can wave, you can lift both your eyebrows repeatedly with a slight smile, you can even say or yell Hi. It’s by the way powerful if she responds because it takes a while to get there and the girl is literally waiting for you to talk to her! Gives you a head-start I would say.

When there’s a distance between me and her and she’s not looking? It depends on where she’s located. If she’s in front of me and I don’t want to miss that opportunity I speed up my space until I’ve reached her and ask casually for directions or doing all those other things I normally do. When she’s behind me I slow down looking around me like I’m looking for something (justifies to her why I’m doing it) or better: the phone technique. It’s my favorite.

Whenever I see a girl I can’t reach immediately and she’s not looking at me (I have no sign of interest yet) I grab my phone and act like I’m getting a call, all the while positioning myself or stopping my walk in such a way that she can see me and I can make eyecontact after which I make my move. One example of this you’ve seen with your own eyes. We were in the bus sitting way in the back, with this cute girl sitting two rows in front of us. I refused to not use the opportunity, grabbed my phone, walked to the front of the bus with an animated ‘prank’ phonecall. All the while I was looking here and there, and then in the eyes of the girl and smiled. I talked for a minute or so more to not make the move obvious, and in other cases either tease with that I wasn’t smiling to he but because of my callerr, or directly go into closing the deal. That time I went directly for it, closed it.

In a large environment, as is the case with day game, it’s also hard to get an overview because it’s so large. It’s weird when there are attractive women around and you start looking everywhere and looking around, but look at something being called: they almost ALWAYS look around! So I use it as a tool to get an overview too.

The third case in which I use my phone technique is when I want to let a girl know I’m indifferent or too important to leave there standing. Let me explain. I remembered from the times with my friend all the needy guys hanging around their women when they got a call or talked to another guy until she was through. I saw it as pet behavior, those cumps only needed a leech and they would be!

Why be needy and wait for a woman to end her phonecall when you know women can call for hours at a time? Why be needy and wait when she’s talking to another guy and paying you no attention? Let her be! It also shows you’re indifferent about the attention she’s getting because you trust her not doing anything when you walk away. Very nice little helper it has been for me, always works to generate attraction. Guess what I do when such a thing happens? I either ‘get a call’ when another guy is suddenly around or she’s busy with someone else for too long or I completely focus my attention on something else when she’s busy only a short time, not showing any interest after she’s done about what she did. Indifference is my friend. I think why it’s so great is that it shows I’m only available for a limited amount of time, under limited circumstances. When you’re always around you’re less valuable, when you’re around only so often and only when she gives you complete attention your ‘price’ will skyrocket!

Man you just told us another way of looking at the prizability concept of Swinggcat, without even knowing it! I’m impressed…that you naturally learned to apply it while others needed to study the game for it for years! I also applied the prizability in my own life, so it’s funny to see you always did without me knowing about it. Anyways…one thing I noticed while being around you while you picked up women, is that you make NO distinction between really beautiful ones, fatter ones, skinny ones, ones that only have a lot of behind etc. So what DO you use when selecting a girl as potential pick up ‘prey’?

Ow that’s easy man. But let me first tell something about that there is no distinction between beautiful women and lesser beauty’s. Guys see beautiful women somehow as different then women with less beauty, that they have more status, are more special, I wonder why? Because seriously, I have more fun talking to beautiful girls because they are in a better walk of life with more ambition, more confidence and so more happiness which makes them better accesible to fun, exciting things to do! It’s only because you’ll experience a lot of competition and you have to be and not act like a confident, attractive guy that guys think they’re harder to get. I hate the distinction, because they’re not. It’s propably what you call a limited belief to think more beauty needs more effort. Less pretty girls can give you all sorts of hard times thanks to their lack of confidence, and what is beauty anyway?

If beauty in a woman is natural beauty then that applies but if it’s how they look then these guys thinking it are way off! Beautiful girls spend a lot of time on their make-up, finding the right clothes to match, the right haircut, and all that other stuff! Basically they also take all that time when they’re having a date. They want to look pretty and get appreciated for it, so for Gods sake appreciate!

And about the no distinction thing, why would I make it? I can have as much fun, excitement and freaky sex with an older woman, a fatter then normal woman, a she doesn’t speak my language woman as with a beautiful one or a skinny woman. Because to me, the game is all about having fun with it, playing around, doing exciting things! That’s why I didn’t liked hearing what you told me about these ‘guru’s’ teaching routines or lines and that they should be repeated time after time, we’re not machines. We’ll get bored, we’ll lose faith in that system. Why? Because man, where’s the fun? Always gotta have the fun, what else are you in it for otherwise?

That’s what I always loved about your style of picking up women: no distinctions, simplicity and NO limited thinking because you’re pretty much an all-rounder when it comes to where you can be effective with your game. One thing I noticed though about HOW you pick up women is also the simplicity and I can remember you telling me how you hated closing the deal verbally. Can you explain what you DO use to close the deal?

By hating closing the deal verbally I ment that most men talk way to much to a girl before moving in for the kill! I’ve seen these guys talk to girls and they were giving them all these kinds of signals: dilated pupils, arching their backs, tossing their heads and hair, prolonged eye contact and more. How many times did I see them fail because they didn’t notice and she got frustrated? I lost count. The hotty is throwing in all her body language to let you know she wants you, she’s giving herself to them and they’re blind to it, helloooo? That’s what I hate about overtalking the situation. Overtalking can also lead to overanalyzing: what should I say, when should I say it and you know those things cost you useless time because it’s about how you say it, duhhh.

My style is I guess much more physical: I make a physical connection thanks to eye contact, when she’s tossing her hair I touch it, dilated pupils I tease with stop staring at me. In other words: I let them know I know about those signals, after which it’s easy to move to the next step with more touching, kissing etc. I know all these ways of touching them that I could sit here and talk about it with you all day!

The only verbal things I do is open them casual, say something witty, close and afterwards make a connection. I let them talk about their life, their family, what makes them tick while throwing in some witty comments here and there. Whenever she says something I can remotely relate to I make a connection. Like she says she loves surfing and I reply by telling her how I love the sea and what I always do on the beach. Emotional connection one. I ask about the dangers of surfing, what kind of nasty things she experienced in the water because of it. Then I tell how I once almost drowned in the water: water danger connection, know what I’m saying? It always work. Just making connections, be witty here and there and once in a while show consideration. When it comes to how I’m witty well uhm, one thing that always seem to work is teasing by accusing her of stereotyping me or stereotyping her herself because there’s millions of stereotypes you can use, in every situation. I learned it from you as you already know, but don’t you have a name for that nowadays?

I think my results are what they are because I’m really strong in the body language department and also very strong in being mysterious and indifferent thanks to my breaks and comments when they’re busy. It’s all about being physical with me though, and I try to unleash the sexual beast inside her as soon as I can: touch, touch, touch and doing sexual orientated things like ‘play fighting’ with her, have a tickle contest and accidently land on top, and when I do use verbal stuff I whisper it most of the time. Seems to me that it’s more hard hitting then just saying things out loud. Don’t know if that’s a good answer, but it’s my way of doing things.

No it’s a good answer allright because men spend TOO MUCH time on things to say, when most of the communication between humans is based on body language. With the stereotyping you propably mean my Foreignality concept? Ah well, this has been a great interview my friend and on behalf of my readers I would like to thank you for sharing your insights!

Did you like the interview? I certainly did. My friend REALLY opened up his game for everyone to see and he went DEEP with his answers, look at their length! I’m sure you can benefit from this interview as I myself have learned a thing or two while I’ve been socializing with the guy for YEARS.

Things like online date tips that simply aren’t true while most regular guys like you and me fall for them!

To More Dating Success,

Carlos Xuma
Win With Women

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