Getting Physical With A Woman: How It’s Done

Bad news: most regular guys such as yourself have no freaking clue about how getting physical with women is done. So why is this such a huge problem?

Recent research has shown that although men are very good at recognizing negative body language (hostile threats), we SUCK at recognizing positive body language (indicators of interest, smiles, and so on). That’s the area of body language that women can easily recognize.

Do you understand what that means?

It means that by nature, we’re at a disadvantage in the dating game compared to women caus’ it takes us longer to see that a woman is interested in us… and being interested is the requirement for escalating things physically.

Put simply: if I don’t know a woman likes me, I won’t try to get physical with her… unless I would be a rapist off course.

Meanwhile, women decide what’s going to happen at the end of the day, because if they don’t feel comfortable and safe enough around us they won’t make that next step with us.

The result: getting physical with women is far from an A to Z process, it’s much more a two steps forward, one step back kind of thing.

Sounds difficult huh?

But once you know what those steps actually are, what they mean and how they relate… you’ll find that the 2 steps forward and 1 back approach to getting physical with women will almost always get you what you want.

To get going, check out my blog post about facial expressions first.

And right after that? It’s time to explore those steps I mentioned! Let’s look at some body language examples.

There are five of ’em: get personal, get friendly, get dominant, get facial, and get sexual.

Getting Physical With A Woman Step 1: Get Personal

When I first started meeting and dating women, I hardly made any physical contact at all. Even worse, I didn’t even make physical contact with my female friends beyond two kisses on the cheeks on their birthdays. I felt really uncomfortable about it. Looking back on it, I can only laugh and say it’s sad because you HAVE to get personal if you want to get physical.

Here’s the juicy secret: from a body language perspective, humans have what I call “intimacy zones”. They differ from culture to culture but it basically comes down to this:

– Get within 0-2 feet – we know each other intimately: we’re dating, best friends, and so on
– Get within 2-4 feet – you’re a friend or family, whatever’s the case… we know each other
– Get within 4+ feet – I don’t know you or hardly know you

If I feel comfortable when you go into my 0-2 feet intimacy zone, so when you can stand really close to me for longer periods of time without me being bothered by it… you can bet your ass that we know each other intimately.

And the first step to getting physical with women is getting into that zone without bothering her. And to do that, you need to create comfort. You need to create a connection. Find stuff you have in common, make her laugh, playfully tease her, ask her open ended questions so you can get her know her and you can get as close as you want.

If you can see her getting uncomfortable when you get in her 0-2 feet zone, first check if she’s getting shy (which is a good thing dude – she likes you!) or uncomfortable in a bad way. If it’s in a bad way, it’s 1 step back and doing more of what I just mentioned before you try again.

That’s the 2 steps forward and 1 step back approach: you give it a try and if she isn’t comfortable with it yet, you take 1 step back and create more comfort for 10-15 minutes and then you try again until it works.

A “no” in the world of body language almost never means an actual no. It means “I’m not ready yet, give me more and try again.” So always try to take things to the next step and let her decide the tempo. You don’t care how long it will take you as long as it happens, know what I mean? Sometimes you have to lose the battle to win the war dude, so take 2 steps forward and 1 step back.

It’s real easy to get personal, but that actually makes a lot of guys forget this important step. They hardly notice when a girl gets uncomfortable, when she’s not fine with the closest intimacy zone yet. So practice it. Practice getting as close to her as possible.

Getting Physical With A Woman Step 2: Get Friendly

Notice how good friends subconsciously touch each other a lot without realizing it… don’t worry, I mean that in the most non-gay way ever.

Some of the stuff you do with friends and family without realizing it gives you a way to make a woman get used to you touching her, which is VERY important if you ever want to get sexual with her.

It’s surprising for me to see that almost no guy who’s on a date out there actually does the stuff I’m about to share with you because he thinks dating and socializing are different… but they aren’t so far. Here’s what you can do to get friendly:

– Give a pat on the back
– If the teasing goes back and forth, push her around a little bit (play fight with her)
– While talking to her, let your hand rest on her shoulder or touch her upper arm (sounds awkward, but lots of people do it)
– Playful behavior: pinch her, tickle her, pull her hair, lift her up, mock her by hugging her if she calls you mean and so on. These are all great body language examples, so try them!

Here’s a juicy secret: if you want to get friendly really fast, start seeing a woman as your bratty little sister. How would you treat your bratty little sister if you and her would still be young? You would pinch her, tickle her, pull her hair, lift her up, mock her by hugging her if she calls you mean and so on.

Whether they’ll admit it or not, women love that stuff… so start doing it.

Why do this and why not just skip this step? Simple: the more friendly you get, the more of a connection you’ll have with a woman and the more comfortable she’ll feel around you. The kinds of physical contact I just described create a stronger bond than you’d think.

Getting Physical With A Woman Step 3: Get Dominant

This domain is owned by the gentlemen because whether you realize it or not, they’re being dominant and taking the lead when showing manners. Say a guy opens the door for a woman and stretches out his arm: “ladies first” he says. What he’s actually doing is telling her to go in, he’s LEADING her in and that means dominance my friend.

Dominance is attractive… and the more you do the following, the easier and faster you can get facial and get sexual. Basically, if you do this part right? You won’t have to take 1 step back. Here’s the list:

– Going somewhere with her? Then grab her hand and lead her there. Not just when you’re walking on the street dude, no I’m talking about always doing it. In a club on the dancefloor and want to sit down with her? Grab her hand… or at the bar and wanna go outside with her? Grab her hand. Always do it. PERIOD.
– Holding her hand? Squeeze it a little and if she squeezes back? She likes you. It’s as simple as that.
– Going in or leaving a venue? Hold the door open for her and tell her that ladies go first.
– Driving a car? Hold the door open for her before you yourself get in.
– Going in a venue and wearing a coat or jacket? Help her take of her coat. Put it back on when leaving.
– Going to sit down? Pull out her chair for her. This is another one of those great body language examples
– Rain or hail? Keep her dry by holding the umbrella for her, holding a newspaper or even your coat above her head.
– Crossing the street? Gently guide her by letting your hand rest on her lower back
– Walking up (or down) some stairs, moving from street to sidewalk and so on? Hold out your hand and help her get up or down.
– Don’t forget this important one: when sitting down, make her sit on your lap.

Being this dominant is attractive, plus women will be charmed by your gentleman behavior but here’s a juicy secret: you can mix it up by teasing women with all of this. Pull out her chair and then pull it out even further when she’s sitting down so she almost falls, pretend to drop her coat when you put in on her, etc. Playful teasing is attractive as well so go right ahead and do it.

So go 2 steps forward and 1 back again: be a gentleman 2 times, and trick her the third time. It has never failed me yet!

Getting Physical With A Woman Step 4: Get Facial

This is the area that separates the close friends from the lovers. Getting facial isn’t something out of a spa or porn flick, it has to do with touching her head, her face especially. Just look around next time you’re in public and see the difference between lovers and friends: lovers touch each others faces, friends hardly ever do that.

Remember me telling you how men suck at recognizing when a woman’s interested? Well, this step requires you to gauge whether she’s interested or not. Most men think they need to know all kinds of signals of interest, but in reality?

If she has been playing along with all of these steps so far, especially with getting dominant, she’s interested in you 9 out of 10 times so stop being unsure about her interest, be a man, and take action on it. Don’t overthink it.

Same goes for kissing her. Why overthink it? If you’re on a date, things are going well, and you just completed step 3, then why not stop her in the middle of the street, let her face you and go for that kiss?

It’s the type of dominant behavior women CRAVE. They’ve been reading about it for ages in those sleazy romance novels man… about a guy who takes what he wants when he wants it. So start doing that.

And if you’re really, really unsure? There’s 2 ways of testing if she’s ready to be kissed:

1) If she’s talking, do the Triangle. First look at her left eye a couple seconds, then her right eye, then her lips and repeat the process. You literally make a triangle with your eyes, and if she stops talking when you do that? Then the sexual tension made her stop talking and you can kiss her. 99% of the women stop talking…

2) When talking, touch her hair or one of her cheeks and gently stroke it (make a compliment about it when you think you need an excuse). If she’s fine with it? I think you know more than enough…

In my view, even kissing can be escalated. You start with a good long kiss, but “tongue raping” someone is way more intimate than kissing so first kiss romantically, then go for the tongue rape after that.

One of the most sensitive spots for any woman is her neck, so make sure you’re a little devil who “accidentally” kissed her in the neck a couple times. Oops you aimed wrong, whatever.

The moment you’ll turn her on big time is when you go from kissing to tongue to her neck, and then suddenly take a step back by offering a massage. You guessed it: it’s 2 steps forward and 1 step back!

Getting Physical With A Woman Step 5: Get Sexual

All women LOVE men who are dominant in bed so again being a man who’s the dominant action taker works here. Sometimes ripping off her clothes is enough once you two are in the bedroom. I’m not kidding.

If she resists and/or doesn’t start to undress you, it’s better to lead into getting sexual. My perfect way of doing that is a massage, but screw shoulder massages here. I never do those. Simply offer her to massage her back with some oil. Why?

First off, oil is erotic in the bedroom. Secondly, if you’re gonna massage her back she has to take of her shirt so she’ll start to get used to taking of her clothes. Then it’s just you, her back and her bra. If she likes it, you can even make her take of her pants by offering to massage her legs with oil too.

And oh yeah… did I mention massages (when done well) turn a woman on like CRAZY?

From there it’s simply offering a full body massage: make her turn around, kiss her when she does, take of her bra and the rest is history…

Why make things hard for yourself by trying to get her to lay down when you kiss her as she’s sitting in a chair, when you can get her to lay down herself for your massage?

I’m 100% sure that you can get a woman in your bed with these body language examples, because I always do!

These are the basics of getting physical with women and I hope you discovered a couple gems there. Stay tuned as I’ll discuss body language in more detail very soon. Meanwhile, tell me… what’s your opinion on getting physical with women?

To More Dating Success,

Carlos Xuma
Win With Women

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Carlos Xuma
- Win With Women