How To Make A Conversation Sexual – How To Talk To Women – 3 Tips
This week, I’ve got you something from the mailbag…
QUESTION FROM A READER:
Carlos, I’ve been going out on a ton of dates lately, but I’ve run up against some obstacles.
I get into conversations with women, but I can’t seem to break into the “attraction zone” with many of the women. They all seem to keep me on this friendship level, and I don’t know what to do.
I want to get our conversations on a sexual level somehow…
What should I do?
Pete, that’s a fantastic question that men everywhere want to know the answer to… in fact, it’s the key to kick-starting a woman’s attraction in that first conversation with her.
No guy likes the “friend zone” – not one bit. Funny enough, it’s always the women we desire the most that put us there.
Women typically look for certain signals from you when they first meet you, and they will decide in minutes if you will be just a friend, or if you have a chance at sleeping with her.
Will he be… “friend-zoned?
Contrary to what a lot of guys think, you don’t want to actually bring up the topic of sex in your conversations. That’s not only unnecessary, it’s pretty “brute force” when it comes to making women feel that sexual attraction.
No, women are attracted to the ENERGY of sexuality, not the discussion of it. One hits her in the gut, the other in the brain pan. (And – incidentally – you won’t ever seduce a woman by making her THINK a lot more…)
The truth is that there are two parts to your conversation: The Text – and the SUBtext.
- The Text is what you’re saying to each other – the actual words you use.
- The Subtext is what you’re saying under your words, with your attitude and your way of being.
The easiest part is the words, because any fool like me can hand you clever little phrases.
But the Subtext is stickier for most guys, and it’s the part they ignore. Some guys call this area “confidence” – or “inner game.”
Unfortunately, as much as you try, you can never escape the need for solid inner game. But the beauty is that when you nail that inner game, the Text (words) don’t matter!
Inner Game = Outer Game
Luckily for you, I specialize in making the inner game easily managed. It’s what I’ve been doing for 16 years now.
When you’re talking to a woman, you can talk about the most mundane and boring topics, and she’ll engage you. But you don’t need to actually talk about SEX in your words.
In fact, you shouldn’t bring up sex. It’s more likely to repel a woman.
Instead, focus on the attitude in these 3 ways:
1) Tone of voice: Lower your vocal pitch as low as you can go.
You want your voice deep, and resonant. If you’ve never taken voice lessons, that’s a good idea for you. You’ll learn breath control, and better presence. I’d even suggest Toastmasters to get rid of that weird “I’m afraid of public speaking” edge that you might (probably) have.
If you can feel your voice rumble in your chest, you’re getting it. Most men talk from the throat, sounding nasal and pinched. It’s a distinctly unappealing sound to the ear, and it’s easily fixed.
Find your “inner” Barry White…
Also, slow your words down like you’re a little sleepy, or doing a poetry reading.
Seriously – SLOW DOWN.
Most men speed up when they start talking to a woman, mostly from excitement. Another part of talking fast is a belief inside that the other person will lose interest, or you’ll lose their attention and not get your thoughts out.
They will respect you with attention when you command it. Remember that!
The more you pause, the more they will hang on your every word.
2) Body posture & stance: Slow everything down to half-speed…
Look, I know talking to a hot girl is an adrenalizing experience, but fast talkers seem like nervous, insecure salesman. And chicks don’t dig any of those 3 qualities.
So do your best to make your body move fluidly.
I always suggest that you move as if you’re submerged in water. There’s almost a flowing grace to your motions, and that looks confident to women.
When you move in short, hyper bursts – which is a lot of the men I see out there today – you look unfocused and manic.
Consciously choose to slow yourself down as much as possible. Keep in mind that what you probably consider to be frustratingly slow is probably still too quick for most women.
3) Eye contact: This is a huge one, because – as they say – the eyes are the windows to the soul.
You want to practice your eye contact. A lot of guys turn on their “Manson lamps” when they’re talking with a girl, and it freaks them out.
Relax your eyelids a little, without making yourself look stoned. Too much intensity is freaky.
Use your eyes to trace a triangle from eye-to-eye, and down to her mouth. Take your time, you don’t want to look like a lizard tracking a fly. Just let your gaze caress her, and let her see you doing it.
Even better is to wipe any smile or grin off your face, too. Most guys smile too much at women.
Just use the “Buddha Smile.” That’s a faint, barely noticeable smile that says, “I know something you don’t know…” Kind of a slightly mischievous grin, even.
Use these 3 tips and you’ll have NO problem turning your conversations into something with more sexual overtones.
– Carlos Xuma