Posted by Carlos Xuma | Posted on 06-11-2010
Good question! Here’s an in-your-face solution to getting out of the friends zone:
Getting Out Of The Friends Zone: Accept You’re In It First
Being stuck in the friends zone sucks, so I know how you feel. It happens to the best of them so don’t beat yourself up about it. Accept that you’re in the friends zone right now and only then you can do something about it, because millions of men are in the denial phase… and still chasing the same chick 6 months from now like I did with Shirley.
Here’s the story of how I did NOT get out of the friends zone with Shirley…
I met her on a friend’s birthday party. Dark hair, dark eyes. Hot. Just the way I like them. She was funny too, so I chased her around. She was hard to get, but I didn’t care. I had to have her.
Have you ever chased that hard to get girl that seemed to be the woman of your dreams? Or are you chasing her right now? Then you can probably already guess what happened next: I ended up in the friends zone and, back then, getting out of the friends zone seemed to be a mission impossible.
Do you ever feel like you’re talking to the woman you like wayyy too much? Wayyy too long?
Do you ever feel like she knows you likes her, but doesn’t seem to care because she’s still not dating you yet? That’s how you can tell you’re nothing but her friend and not getting out of the friends zone soon.
And then I can help, because now you know what happened when I was around Shirley. I chased her for 6 months, did everything for her, tried everything I could to make her want me and date me.
The result? She ended up dating a guy from work and was happy to tell her “best friend” (me) all about how hot and awesome he was. I felt like shit for several weeks. I felt crushed and never talked to her again. I swore to hate women for the rest of my life… until I met another woman, lol!
I knew I had to figure out how to get out of the friend zone and I soon realized it wasn’t difficult…
Getting out of the friends zone is easy when you know WHY you get in the friends zone in the first place. And after accepting you’re in it, realizing you have a problem that needs to be fixed is equally important…
So allow me to give you five rules that help you with getting out of the friends zone… and into the ”hot and awesome guy she dates” zone.
The First Rule Of Getting Out Of The Friends Zone Is…
Being available for friends is VERY different from being available for the woman you love.
Friends got each other’s back for better or for worse. They are always there for each other. But you’re not trying to be her friend. Hell no! You want to be her LOVER. And it changes things.
You see, dating is much like the economy. Whenever an item is scarce, it’s value increases because it gets rarer by the second and people are willing to pay more for it to get it. But items that are NOT scarce and always available, like air, are not valuable. People do not want to pay to get it.
Think about it: how much are you willing to pay for fresh air? I’m willing to bet that it’s ZERO, because you can just go outside and get it. Screw paying for that, right!?
Don’t worry, this “weird” example has everything to do with getting out of the friends zone! Why?
Dating works in much the same way: if you are always around, always available, then why would she value you?
She simply doesn’t know how valuable you are until you’re gone. People don’t say “you don’t know what you’ve got until it’s gone” for nothing. So, give her the gift of missing you. Getting out of the friends zone starts with it, so:
- Don’t call her every day
- Don’t talk to her every day
- Let her wait a little
- Don’t immediately respond whenever she’s trying to reach you
- Ignore her a little and you might start getting out of the friends zone
Because that’s when she realizes how much fun she has when you’re around and how much it sucks when you’re NOT there. Conclusion: “I miss him.” And that’s when a woman starts chasing YOU because she wants to have you around… and where you stop being stuck in the friends zone. It’s where you start getting out of the friends zone my friend.
So stop it! Don’t always be available. And don’t feel sorry for her because you’re “hurting her by ignoring her.” Dude, if she misses you she is that much more happier when she sees you again… and you will be happy she adores you. So, by “hurting” her now she’s happier in the very near future.
This is how the dating game works. Either you grow a pair of balls and stop being available now so you can “get the girl” later, or you end up as a desperate wussy who’s best friends with lots of hot chicks because he can’t get them himself… while he secretly wants to. I’ve been there. It sucks!
The Second Rule Of Getting Out Of The Friends Zone Is…
Sometimes, all you need to do… is grow yourself a pair of freaking balls!
You won’t believe the dozens and dozens of guys I’ve met throughout my life who were straight up gutless. They were people in my social circle, people at work, relatives, guys I’ve coached. The no backbone syndrome seems to be everywhere… help me please!
What am I talking about here? Let me be straightforward with you here:
These days men have a habit of not being able to TELL what they want. They only think about it. It happens so damn often: guy meets girls, they kinda like each other, guy is afraid to tell girl how he feels, girl wants him to take action, but he doesn’t.
Result: she wants to be friends and the guy has no chance of getting out of the friends zone anytime soon.
I’ve been guilty of this crime in the past and I don’t want YOU to be.
If you like a woman then take action, ask her out on a date and kiss… or tell her & then kiss her!
This is how you start getting out of the friends zone. By taking action as soon as you like her.
Like I said: sometimes all you need to do is showing that you have a genuine interest in her with your actions, not your fantasies that you never act on anyways. Act, act, act! Take action.
Don’t get me wrong here my friend, I know! I know it’s hard to confess your feelings to a woman and even harder to kiss her on a date without you having told her yet. You probably feel a little insecure right now.
But don’t worry, because I have dozens of tips to improve your confidence for you that you can get in my Inner Game newsletter.
So everything’s going to be ok and you WILL be getting out of the friends zone, that nasty zone of hell on earth. I’ve got more tips for getting out of the friends zone waiting for you, so keep on reading below!
The Third Rule Of Getting Out Of The Friends Zone Is…
Never forgetting that women are 10x more competitive than men will ever be.
Women are hyper competitive up until the point of where a woman’s best friend for life buys a pair of boots and now she can’t wear them because her friend has them. I can give you many more examples, but the best one is this one:
Classroom. Forty women. Two guys. Guess what happens? War! Women will call each other’s names, spread gossip behind each other’s backs, and fight to get a guy. I’m not kidding!
If you want to start getting out of the friends zone, then give her competition. Why?
First of all, being with a woman works in your favor from a genetic perspective: it shows women you’re fertile, that you have good genes, that’s you’re in demand… or you wouldn’t have a woman.
Secondly, people want what they can’t have. Women already want a challenge instead of a man who chases them, but a guy who has a freaking girlfriend? Now THAT’S a challenge! And I could go on and on with reasons, but trust me when I say: introducing female competition works.
How do you give her enough competition to start getting out of the friends zone you say?
Go to the same club or store she goes to, but with a female friend. Tell your friend what’s up and she’ll help. Why? Women love playing match maker and giving love a hand.
And next time the woman you like asks you how you’ve been after she hasn’t talked to you for a while, tell her you’re doing great, went on a date or went to a birthday of this girl you know, etc.
A little white lie if you don’t have many female friends or none at all is ok here. Introducing the IDEA of her having competition from another chick is enough for a woman to get jealous and fight for you.
The Fourth Rule of Getting Out Of The Friends Zone Is…
Attraction speaks a different language than friends do.
Friends accept each other just the way they are. Friends tend to agree with each other more than they disagree. It’s what makes them friends. They accept each other’s invitations too.
Women are used to men agreeing with them, saying “YES” to what they ask and want, and to men chasing them around. So if you are chasing a woman around you will be just like every other guy she meets.
That’s not how you can start getting out of the friends zone dude. Not at all!
And if a woman’s single, she’ll be talking to multiple guys… because men have been programmed to chase women. Men who chase women are thought to be boring, desperate, so they get ignored just like the thousands of men who chased before them.
Let’s take a look at the difference between being friends and creating attraction, and how it relates to getting out of the friends zone:
1) Friends accept each other just the way they are. But when you want to create attraction you don’t accept a woman’s looks, you bust her balls. You mock her in a playful way. You tease. By doing this, you show her you expect more than a pretty face. You’ll be a challenge. Women want a challenge.
2) Friends generally agree with each other and accept each other’s invitations. When you want to create attraction you say “NO” though. She asks if you can see her later today. No. She asks if you can walk her home. No. She asks you to have sex with her on your bed here and now. Even then, you say no. Remember: women EXPECT you as a man to say “YES”, so a “NO” will be a challenge for them. Women love the thrill of the chase as much as men do so she will chase you more with every “NO” you throw at her. Being a pain in the ass means getting out of the friends zone with her.
3) Friends care about each other’s approval and opinion. If you want to create attraction, you don’t. Dominance is attractive to women and asking to be led by someone’s opinion or approval is the opposite of being dominant… so it turns women off. Even if she gets angry, it’s her problem because it’s her opinion. Ultimate proof: bad boys are the most careless people in the world… and the most attractive!
As you can see: there are all kinds of things you can do to start getting out of the friends zone TODAY, not tomorrow. There’s really no need for you to be stuck in the friends zone, so take action.
One More Thing About Getting Out Of The Friends Zone…
And it’s this: getting out of the friends zone is always possible when you follow these rules.
It’s possible when the girlfriend you had has become your ex who just wants to be friends. It’s possible when you’ve been chasing the woman you want for years now. As long as you use the 4 rules for getting out of the friends zone I shared in this blog post? Then it’s always possible!
Here’s a summary of the rules for getting out of the friends zone:
- Stop being available all the time. Don’t be the slave who follows her around. Be a grown ass man who only sometimes has time to see the woman that’s eagerly waiting for him.
- Grow yourself a pair of balls and realize that you need to take action. Sometimes telling and/or showing how you feel is so much better than waiting it out. Don’t wait, always be taking action.
- Remember how competitive women are and use it “against” them so they start chasing you. This is the quickest way to start getting out of the friends zone my man. Believe that!
- Don’t focus on being mister nice guy. Focus on creating attraction.
Who cares if she thinks you’re an arrogant bastard when she’s spends the night in YOUR bed afterwards? That’s better than being a pillow hugging nice guy who always finishes last.
And now on a “lighter” note: do you know the Saw movie series? You know: insane psychopath kidnaps what he calls sinners, puts them all together in a room and lets them torture themselves?
You do? If so, then you clearly weren’t paying attention! Being stuck in the friends zone and not getting out of the friends zone is just like torturing yourself: brutal for your self-esteem, bad for your health, and not necessary.
Follow the 4 rules of this blog post by heart and you’ll never be a victim of the Jigsaw psychopath inside you that wants to torture you by not letting you get out of the friends zone.
And if you need to improve your confidence or learn more about creating attraction before you can start getting out of the friends zone then by all means: learn NOW, before you’ll see this guy the rest of your life…
To More Dating Success,
Win With Women
P.S. What you've learned today is only the tip of the iceberg of what most men will never know about women and dating. And if you want to know more about how to meet women without much effort, then I highly recommend you get our FREE Inner Game Newsletter right away. Click here now to get more tips!