Inner Game 101: You Alone Own Your Confidence

Inner game is a funny thing. Self-confidence is the confidence you have in yourself, but meanwhile you let other people dictate how confident you feel. Stop it!

Reality is based on perception, so if some jackass or biatch makes you feel bad about yourself they’re giving you their opinion. Just because they say somethign doesn’t make it so. Hell, there are no facts because everything is told from a certain perspective and perspectives ARE opinions. Why let your confidence be ruined by opinion?


What do most men feel whenever they approach a woman and try to create attraction, but end op getting rejected? They feel like they did something wrong: she didn’t like something you did, said or the way you talked or looked was the cause… and after just a few more situations during which they were rejected?

You start to believe that you yourself are the problem: you aren’t attractive enough, women are repulsed by you because you are (insert random insecurity here… like being bald, being too short, etc.)…

You start to believe that there’s no answer to the question: how do you get girls to like you? Because no girl seems to like you. All girls never like you…

And that right there… attaching your self-worth to the outcome of any event? Is a problem. But sadly, the problem is wayyyy bigger than just attaching too much value to a possible outcome pal!

For instance…

Have you ever talked to a woman, or to anyone for that matter, who felt down/depressed/angry/sad/tired and so on… and let that influence you? Influence you in a way where YOU became less happy, felt less than “a 100% okay right now”?

Be honest here…

If your answer is “YES”, then apparently you don’t believe in the fact that only YOU determine how you feel about YOU. You allow external events to affect how you’re doing: you were late for work and feel shitty because of it, you had an argument with a woman and feel sad afterwards… while you started out feeling GREAT.

Being the play thing of everybody else’s lives and whatever happens around you so your emotions, and thus success with women and in any other area of life get picked up and blown in every friggin’ direction like you’re a leaf that got swept away by the wind is bad enough…

But what’s worse… is that reality, the world you see around you and the physical world you live in? Is different to everyone, because reality is a matter of perception. Everyone creates his or her own reality because of their perception of things, and perception is NEVER objective and always colored with emotions, opinions, and assumptions about things.

The most extreme example of how reality is a creation of perception: psycho serial killers. To insane people like Jeffrey Dahmer and Ted Bundy, killing people for fun, a sense of control or sexual gratification is an every day activity, it’s normal and accepted. They got to thinking this by a perception of society having wronged them… and them feeling justified for taking revenge.

Let’s get back on track here… do you realize what perception-based reality means?

It means that how you feel determines your reality, and that if other people can easily gain control over your emotions at will because you’re influenced by them, then you’re a slave of THEIR reality! It means you let your life be lived, instead of living your life. It means having no control whatsoever of where you will end up going a second from now, tomorrow, in 10 years… and is that what you really want?

When I started learning how to meet and date women 5 years ago, I struggled to get control over my emotions UNTIL I realized what the questions of all questions was or so to speak: are you a product of your environment… or is your environment a product of you? I refused to be the toy of other people’s mood swings, a woman’s bad hair, period, I’m-broke-day, I-don’t-feel-so-good-day, and boredom. I refused to be a VICTIM of life and, instead, chose to be a LIVER of life.

Once I chosen the path of taking action, of taking full control and responsibility of how I felt? My social, and dating, success skyrocketed! It went through the roof! I TRIPLED the number of phone numbers I got almost overnight, I went from having one date a week to dating almost every day… and the same thing has happened to many of my 80+ students.

KEY insight here: the best mindset to have when approaching women and when you want to achieve success in any area of life is “This is MY universe, and you are just a guest in it.” Nothing can screw with your world without your explicit permission, do you sense where I’m getting at here?

You can only feel sad, rejected, hurt, angry when you ALLOW yourself to let those emotions take over control. When you allow them to influence what you’re doing right now and where you plan on going later. But being the master of your own universe means that YOU make the rules, you are the only one that affects your inner self… what’s more: you are the one that determines the outcome.

She’s just a guest dude, so if she says “No” when you ask for her number? Then your guest is no longer welcome 🙂 and why the hell should you feel anything about a guest who voluntarily leaves your estate buddy?

Like I said before: you determine how you feel, and thus your perception of reality. Building confidence begins with realizing that you and you alone control your inner world, that you alone decide what you’re going to do, and how you feel. Why? Because not taking this kind of control and responsibility simply means allowing yourself to be open to suggestions: to be the play thing of everything and everyone around you, which can only be destructive for your self confidence and inner game.

So next time a woman turns her back on you to reject you, will you let to decide what your universe, your “soul property” looks like… or do you? Rejection and failure are a matter of perception, and to reinforce my point here I’m quoting Napoleon Hill:

“You’re only defeated when you admit defeat.”

You’re only rejected when you admit rejection and give in… you’ve only failed when you admit failure and give in… and the list goes on and on. So if you get affected by how other people feel and think, then you need to work on your inner issues, your perception my friend.

Or in the words of the once-in-his-life wise Ice Cube: check yaself before ya wreck yaself… literally!

And if you want more tips for improving your confidence, gaining control over your emotions, meeting women, and more? Then check out my Inner Game newsletter right now, because it gives you all the free tips you’ll need to start feeling better about yourself, so you can meet and date more women than ever before.

To More Dating Success,

Carlos Xuma
Win With Women

P.S. What you\'ve learned today is only the tip of the iceberg of what most men will never know about women and dating. And if you want to know more about how to meet women without much effort, then I highly recommend you get our FREE Inner Game Newsletter right away. Click here now to get more free tricks, tips, and strategies!

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