Top 10 Things NOT To Do When Approaching Women

As a dating coach it’s only right that I share with you some of the “rookie mistakes” many of my students make when they try to approach women.

Why? So YOU won’t make the same mistakes as they’ve made of course!

I’ve coached over 600+ men with achieving dating success in 2008 and 2009 combined… and the moment I told them about these things not do? Was the moment they started getting a LOT more results with women, because everything gets much easier once you handle the fear of walking up to a woman to start a conversation.

Here’s the juicy secret: you’ll find out that women aren’t that scary once you actually start talking to them.

Anyways, here’s my top 10 things NOT to do when approaching women…

#1 Don’t Do A “Random Pick Up”
This one deserves the number one spot of most common mistakes of approaching women, hands down!

You see, women absolutely LOVE bad boys for lots of reasons… but they HATE players. Better said: no one wants to feel like they’re not important, like they don’t matter, like they’re far from unique and just one out of many… and women are no different. They don’t want to be the random chick you picked up at a bar.

That’s why pick up lines and vague compliments (example: “you’re so hot!”) never work with women, because they know you can use them on ANY woman, which makes it a whole bunch of pretty sounding crap to them.

Women want a man that has a genuine interest in them, so, someone who gives compliments about who they are as a person or their specific physique… and someone who seduces them with the stuff they’re interested in (hobbies, fantasies, ambitions, passions, etc.). So, don’t do a random pick up. Do a genuine pick up.

#2 Don’t Over Think It
A lot of men have problems with finding something witty to say to the women they encounter and want to approach. By the time they’ve thought of something “cool” to tell a woman? She’s already gone or talking to someone else.

Don’t be one of those guys, because sometimes… sometimes saying “Hi” is all you’ll ever need to do to start a fun, exciting conversation with a woman that easily leads to getting her phone number.

#3 She’s Not A Magical Princess, But Just Another Human Being
99% of the men out there view the woman they take out on a date as “miss right” and thus the woman they approach as a future miss right, while women think of men more casually… more along the lines of “let’s see where this goes.”

Major problem: thinking the woman you’re about to approach is your future miss right is putting a lot of pressure on yourself and I can almost guarantee you: you’ll act nervous, won’t know what to say and there will be plenty of awkward silences.

So, don’t see the woman you’re approaching as a magical princess, but just another human being.

Here’s the juicy secret of how to get that girl without effort: an easy way to program yourself into believing this is remembering that every woman has insecurities. While you may see a certain woman as absolutely freaking hot, cutest face ever, nice tits and ass… she herself?

Is insecure about her thighs, her eyebrows, her feet… and beauty can be a curse too: she fears men won’t like her for who she is, but for her looks alone which makes her even more insecure. So she has insecurities just like you do, she’s not almighty or anything. Like I said: she’s just another human being, not a magical princess. There’s nothing to feel intimated by.

#4 Don’t Be Awkward, Relax!
Remember the miss right thing from number 3 of the top 10 things NOT to do when approaching women? Well, I attended the Real Man Conference back in 2008 and it drives my point home of how you shouldn’t be awkward.

At the Real Man Conference several dating experts and students gathered to do their thing and learn from each other… and one of the dating experts there was Orlando Owen who was determined to show us the consequences of being awkward around women.

He got two girls from the audience and one guy and told the guy to approach one of the two girls like he normally would. Then, he asked the girls what they thought about him: they clearly saw he felt uncomfortable… and it made THEM feel uncomfortable. They literally said they felt more like walking away from him than talking to him.

Conclusion: don’t be awkward, but relax. Remember, a woman is just another human being with insecurities… AND… I can tell from experience that every single time you go out to approach women? You’ll start off rusty and it usually takes several approaches before you get your “mojo” back. You’ll get better with experience, so you just need to put in some work to have more success.

#5 Don’t Freak Out About Approaching
Most common excuse of one of my new students when I tell them to approach a cute woman: “No I won’t approach her, because she’ll know I’m approaching her with sexual intentions and reject me.”

Here’s the juicy secret: men have been approaching women successfully for millions of years, otherwise you simply wouldn’t exist. Your father successfully approached your mom, his father did the same with his mom, and so on. So, from a biological perspective? You’re SUPPOSED to approach women! It’s the one thing that ensures the survival of the species.

So, it’s okay to approach women, it’s normal… hell, women EXPECT you to approach them because you want a date out of it.

#6 Don’t Settle For Nothing
Try to get at least SOMETHING out of every conversation. A lot of men give up the war after losing 1 battle, why? Don’t get me wrong, thinking you need to hump every cute woman you ever freaking encounter is weird… you’re not a sex machine. And no, it’s not “cool” to be a sex machine that only has women but no career, money, or anything else going for himself.

But… don’t give up the war after losing 1 battle. She’s not interested in you “that way?” Then befriend her instead. I’m willing to bet she has some hot friends. She doesn’t want to give you her phone number? What about her MSN chat or Facebook instead?

Are you getting the point here?

#7 Don’t Think Groups Are The Same
Classic rookie mistake of approaching women: a woman’s with her friends, you like her so you approach her, and you ignore the rest of the group. Wrong, wrong, wrong. The other women in the group will get jealous and be sad that no man is giving THEM that much attention… so they’ll cockblock you by saying they’re tired and want to go home. And guess what? They’re taking “your” woman with them.

Here’s the juicy secret: no one wants to be ignored. Everyone wants to be at least acknowledged for existing, for being there. So, the least you can do is introducing yourself to her friends, ask their names, and talk about some random things with them. You’ll respect their presence in doing so and they’ll leave you alone 9 out of 10 times = you “get the girl”.

#8 Don’t Let Others Screw Up Your “Work”
Most men are jealous fools and try to screw up your chances with women, even if they themselves don’t stand a chance at all. Must be survival of the fittest at work there, but whatever’s the case, it’s annoying.

Your drunken friends are all over you as soon as you’re talking to a hot babe, if she’s in a group with guy friends then they’ll try to pull her away from you, random guys you and her both don’t know will try to interrupt you… and 9 out of 10 men get distracted by it and “lose the girl”.

And here’s the irony: if you would simply ignore them and keep on talking to the woman you’re interested in? Those losers will make themselves look like jealous fools, screw up their own chances instead of yours, and she won’t pay attention to them AT ALL.

So, don’t let others screw up your “work” and ignore the competition when they try to ruin things for you.

#9 Don’t Be The “One Trick Pony”
Another classic rookie mistake: did you know that women actually also exist OUTSIDE of clubs and bars? They’re everywhere, just like men are. So, don’t limit yourself to one location when it comes to approaching women. Don’t be the one trick pony, because what are you gonna do when the clubs are closed or not open yet?

Try to have at least 2 different locations: clubs and shopping malls, at work and online, whatever. You know better than I do where you can be found most of the time…

#10 Don’t Stop At Yes, “Upsell” Yourself
Does this sound familiar: woman makes eye contact with you, you approach her, you have a great time, and you ask her for her phone number? It does? Well, then you’re an idiot without even knowing it. See, most guys actually LIMIT THEIR OWN SUCCESS by asking for a phone number while they could have gone all the way with a woman the same day they met them…

Just like you should try to get at least SOMETHING out of every conversation, try to get the most out of EVERY woman that seems to be interested in you. I mean, why wait? If she’s making eye contact like crazy and all over you when you get to talking, why waste several phonecalls and dates when you can just as easily take her to your place then and there?

Life is short, so get as much as possible out of every woman that’s interested in you: “upsell” yourself after you heard and/or saw the “Yes I’m interested” signals.

=> So far for my top 10 things NOT to do when approaching women…
Or to quote that cool cartoon piggie from way back here: “th… th… th… that’s all folks!”

No wait, got another one for ya! Another don’t is NOT approaching women who are already interested, because it’s so much easier to meet and date women when you approach those already interested in you.

How can you start doing that? Simple: you’ll know who to approach when you know the signs a woman is interested in you!

I’ve got some questions for you though that I would LOVE to get some answers for:

1) Do you like the top 10? Is there anything missing in my top 10 in your opinion?
2) Which of the 10 things NOT to do… have you done in the past by accident or because of a lack of experience with women?

This movie junkie is off to watch his favorite flick of all time: Goodfellas. Call me a sucker for mobster movies, but I was raised on that stuff so I don’t care!

To More Dating Success,

Carlos Xuma
Win With Women

P.S. Looking for more tips on how to improve your confidence... or how to approach women, oh so beautiful women? And do you want tips for how to create attraction as well? Then the tips inside my Inner Game Newsletter might be just what you need. Click here now to find out more!

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