Carlos Xuma Column – All Is Fair In Love And War

Let´s talk about one of my favorite subjects: having a guilty conscience… just kidding! I do want to talk about the so called ´shoulds´ and ´should nots´ though, the things that people tell you are not done and smart to do.

Let get straight to the point: people will tell you a whole bunch of crap, especially men when it comes to women & dating. You see, most men HAVE NO CLUE about what women want or what women are really attracted to. It´s not their fault or your fault though, no, it´s all because of our ´machismo culture´.

We as men are raised with the mindset that talking about our feelings is WRONG, that talking about women in a different context than sex or body parts is WRONG, and about problems with women? We simply DON´T talk. What men do is this:

Guy 1: ¨How you doing Todd?¨
Guy 2: ¨My girl just broke up with me man…¨
Guy 1: ¨Damn thats f*cked up man… want a beer?¨

And that´s it. Most men NEVER talk about the how to´s… how to get a woman´s phone number, how to call women, how to create attraction, and especially not the sensitive stuff like how to satisfy a woman in bed. Women on the other hand talk for hours and hours about every single detail, even about stuff as how they can give better blowjobs. Ever saw a woman´s phone bill? Guess who causes it most of the time: men, better said… TALKING ABOUT men.

So with all due respect, but there´s a very high chance that your male friends, colleagues, classmates and relatives are talking a whole lot without saying anything whenever they give you dating advice. In other words: don´t take your advice from them.

And although women have a lot of knowledge of the how to´s, such as how to have a successful date, they don´t have a clue about attraction either. The reason for this is simple: if you ask them what they´re attracted to, they´ll give you a socially accepted answer… nice guys, flowers, candy, dinner with romantic candle light and blah blah blah. They´ll tell you what they THINK they want, and that´s a problem.

Attraction isn´t about logical, rational thinking… it´s a feeling based on emotions. Like many before have said: you CAN´T choose who you fall in love with by making a conscious decision. Attraction is triggered on a mostly subconscious level, below the stuff that people can normally detect.

That´s why what women are drawn to and what they SAY they want are almost on opposite ends of the spectrum. That means: don´t take your dating advice from women, they´re good for practical tips (the how to´s at best) because of reasons I just mentioned. Sorry ladies!

I can imagine how you´re wondering by now who you SHOULD ask for dating advice and I understand my friend. My answer is simple: guys with extensive knowledge of and experience with women. Guys like me. No this isn´t a commercial don´t worry, I´m telling you to look for guys that have a lot of experience and knowledge in this particular field. I´m one of them, but so are my friends Carlos Xuma and Adam Lyons.

I´ve been working on the women and dating part of my life day in, day out for 5 years now so go figure if you want to ask me if I have the experience or not. Same goes for my friends I just mentioned. You´ll do more bad than good when you ask your friends, relatives, or colleagues for advice because they simply don´t have a clue OR the experience to know the proven facts and techniques. That´s why I´m recommending you go to a dating expert whenever you need help with women, dating, attraction, sex, and so forth.

Having said that, I´m going to be a pain in the ass here and make getting GOOD daitng advice even more difficult for you by saying this: there are too much dating experts out there that´ll give you an overkill of righteousness. Don´t do this because it´s wrong, don´t do that because it´s not respectable, don´t use this or that clothing style/technique/etc. And I say: screw them! That´s right: screw the righteous ones!

Why? Is it because I´m one evil bastard and want you to hurt people?


Here´s why: every ¨don´t¨, every rule that you follow when it comes to women & dating is a limitation. Think about it: don´t look down, don´t do this, don´t do that… approach her within x amount of seconds, get her number within x amount of minutes… the list goes on and on. These are all limitations that can and will limit your success with women. So screw those guys because they actually limit your success!

The only things I´ll tell you NOT to do is 1) seeking advice from people who don´t have a freaking clue and 2) don´t be a desperate little wussy. This is not the time nor the place to discuss what classifies as being a wussy, so let´s get down to the essentials here and allow me to tell you what to do:

Live in an all bets are off, gloves off, by any means necessary time.

Here Are My Reasons Why

1) If she already has a boyfriend, man, or male friend with her (= guy who´s interested but hasn´t made his move yet because he doesn´t have the balls)… why be bothered about it? It´s his happiness OR yours, there´s no win-win option there so take your pick. If you ´get the girl´, you created more attraction and social value than ´the other guy´ but who´s fault is that? His, because he didn´t create enough attraction. No need to feel guilty there, he just has to learn more just like you do… wouldn´t you agree?

2) If she can´t go on a date with you today, this week, or next week, or the week after that, or if she wants to bring a friend on the date… so? If you´re confident, you´ll know you´ll get her no matter what she throws at you and if you persist it shows you´re genuinely interested which is VERY attractive. Most men give up way too fast and that needs to change.

3) You make a mistake by saying something wrong, not saying anything or whatever… so? If a woman gets upset, you lose the moment you get upset too. Control your emotions and tell her to cheer up. If you made a BIG mistake, the kind that requires an apology, simply apologize because admitting flaws, weaknesses and mistakes shows way more confidence than pretending like you never make a mistake, ever. Strangely enough, confidence can be displayed through temporarily weakness… it allows you to win with women more than you´d think.

4) I´ve been on a date after calling a woman on the same day I got her number, the day after, 2 days, 3 days, heck, I´ve even went on a date with a woman who responded to my message online after 3 weeks. Again… so? The less value you attach to that, the less value she attachs to it as well. Pay attention though: if she initiates contact after all that time, fine, but the longer you wait? The bigger the challenge to get her on a date with you, but it´s always doable. Anything the mind can conceive, it can believe, and achieve. I went on a date after calling a woman names for half an hour. Very hot tempered chick and where most men gave up with her, I simply gave her a slice of my own temper and the rest is history. Anything can be done if you want it to be done.

5) Sex after 10 dates? How does sex after 5 minutes with a woman who wasn´t a prostitute or anything sound? Again, anything can be done if you want it badly enough. It´s the essence of all self help books my friend… and the essence of what I teach with Win With Women.

6) Need I say more?

All is fair in love and war my friend. So tell me: what do YOU think is fair when it comes to meeting and dating women? What do you think is unfair to do to a woman or to yourself? Share your thoughts in a comment by posting one below!

To be continued…

And before I leave I just want to say: since all is fair in love and war, why not gain an UNFAIR advantage over your rivals by learning how to get dates by texting girls, while they can only DREAM of doing that? How to do that by texting you say? Simple: check out my blog post about how to text a girl you like.

To More Dating Success,

Carlos Xuma
Win With Women

P.S. Want more free tips about what I\\'ve talked about today? About raising your confidence through the roof, meeting girls anywhere & anytime, creating raw sexual attraction, and more? Make sure you get your secrets, ebooks, and email updates by signing up for my newsletter below NOW. Remember, it only takes 60 seconds to get more strategies and stealth sexual tactics, so do it. Sign up below.

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Carlos Xuma
- Win With Women

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