Carlos Xuma Column: Why dating is much like marketing…

Hi it’s Carlos Xuma from Win With Women and I think it’s time to have some fun. Join me as we look at the dating game from a different perspective for a sec.

You see, during my 6 hour long free tv show about dating that I did last weekend I’ve said more than once that marketing is similar to dating. Whether you like to hear it or not, the only difference is that with marketing you’re selling products and with dating you’re selling YOU.

I can almost hear some of the men reading the above thinking “boooo! You’re wrong! Screw you Carlos!”

But I’m not… and here’s the proof.

The 4 P’s Of Marketing

Ever heard of them? They are: Price, Place, Product, and Promotion. Explaining them all would be beyond the scope of this article, so let me generalize by saying: each P is a way for a company to let itself or the product stand out in the crowd and get more attention and/or buyers.

And there’s a little phrase there that makes marketing and dating similar: standing out. Darwin talked about the survival of the fitTEST for a reason: the man who is fitter than others and as such perceived as being better than others is the guy who “gets the girl.” It’s not about being fit, or being good, is about being better than… about standing out.

Now, if we would translated the 4 P’s of marketing to the world of dating, we would get Value (Price), Place, You (Product), and Reputation (Promotion).

In case you’re still not convinced about marketing and dating being similar, let’s look at each of these factors and see what pop ups as proof…

Value (Price)

The most basic economic principle is the supply and demand curve that determines the price of a product. If the demand is larger than the supply, then the price of a product goes up. If there’s more supply than there is demand though, the price will go down.

What does that have to do with dating you say? Well, ever heard of the push-pull technique?

Push-pull boils down to this: being there at first and then NOT being there… OR… complimenting at first and then taking it away from a woman. What you’re basically doing is giving her the gift of missing you: the moments you’re gone make her realize how much fun the moments you’re there really are and it makes her appreciate the moments you’re there more.

Same things go for the moments you’re being aloof and indifferent: they make the moments you’re sweet and try to be close to her that much better.

Translation to marketing: what happens if you’re always there, even when a woman doesn’t necessarily need you or wants to talk to you? Then the supply is WAY higher than the demand… and the price (your value in her eyes) goes down.

If, on the other hand, you’re NOT always there, show her you have a life of your own and so forth, makes the demand higher than the supply and that increases the price (your value in her eyes).

In fact, supply and demand, or push-pull as it’s called, is one of the most powerful reasons for why bad boys are so attractive: one moment they’ll love a woman like there’s no tomorrow and make her feel like she means the world to them, and at other moments the bad boy is nowhere to be seen…

And this is just the beginning of using value to get more success with women. Marketing and dating are similar: 1 point, other opinions: 0 points.

What do you think? What is your opinion on marketing and dating being similar or about value (price) being important?


In marketing, the place you sell your products is important as well. How does the store look? Is there music being played? What’s the atmosphere there? Is it easy to find your way around? The list goes on and on…

And guess what pal?

Place is important in dating as well: the places you go to on your dates, the places where you meet women…

Let’s stick to the places where you meet women for a sec.

Most men try to meet women in the one place where there are lots of other men, where there are lots of obstacles to overcome, where the competition is fierce and where it’s hard to learn how to do it: a club or a bar. Don’t get me wrong, meeting women there is doable with practice, but why be so hard on yourself dude?

Caus’ you could also meet women in places where there’s virtually NO competition, but where the bro-chick ratio is 1:5 or better, know what I’m saying?


1) Shopping malls – what’s every woman’s favorite hobby? Shopping! Duhhh. So guess where you can meet lots and lots of women? The shopping malls, centers and shop-infested streets of the world. Sure, there’s competition there, but a lot less than in clubs and bars + there’s no loud music, alcohol that makes people forget who you are and so on there…

2) Zumba, tae bo, aerobics, cycling, yoga – women KNOW men are more into looks than into a woman’s personality or charisma. The obvious result: most women try to keep in shape. The most popular sports to achieve that honorable goal are zumba, tae bo, aerobics, yoga, and cycling (in the gym). Almost no guys present + all the other obstacles of clubs don’t exist there.

3) Dancing – if you would ask a woman what her top 10 of favorite activities is, then it’s very likely shopping and dancing are in her top 3. How many guys dare to take dancing lessons on their own? I don’t know any. Meanwhile, how many women love a man who can dance? ALL of them! So whether you think it’s gay or not, all dancing lessons attract women so please… call me a gaylord for picking up several chicks a week during dancing lessons okay?

And here’s the kicker: when it comes to standing out, do you think you would stand out more if you’re “that cute guy she met at that party on Saturday” or if you’re “that interesting dude from yoga?”

I think you know the answer. The list I just gave you is a super short one: I could easily give you 2 pages full of places you’ve never thought of that kick ass!

Marketing and dating are similar: 2 points, other opinions: 0 points.

What do you think? What is your opinion on marketing and dating being similar or about the place being important?

You (Product)

The most obvious way of making a product stand out in marketing is it’s packaging. A boring ass grey little box would have never made me buy Pringles, ever, but that flashy design with the Mexican dude as a logo? Now THAT caught my attention and I’ve been popping Pringles ever since. Don’t eat any other chips, ever.

Now, translating packaging to dating means looking at clothing.

If it’s a summer and I dress up with an xxl shirt, put one of my favorite caps on and wear some bling jewelry, I suddenly see more black women looking my way, more “urban” chicks, more R&B and hiphop loving women and so on.

I’m not being a racist when saying that, because it’s true. Sure, other women will look my way but the shift in who gives more MORE attention than usual is noticeable.

Now, if it’s the exact same time of the year and I would suit up like Barney in How I Met Your Mother does, I attract more attention from an entirely different group of women. There are lots of Maroccan and other Middle Eastern Women over here in the Netherlands and status is a big thing for them. If I wear a suit, they automatically assume I have status and as such I stand out way more than usual to them.

This is just a small example of how the product, in this case, YOU, matters in marketing as well as in dating. There are many other Product related things in dating: personal hygiene, DHVS (display higher value stories), DLVs (display lower value stories), magic tricks, and so forth.

I think I nailed this one just by giving the clothing example though, so…

Marketing and dating are similar: 3 points, other opinions: 0 points.

What do you think? What is your opinion on marketing and dating being similar or about the product (you) being important?

Reputation (Promotion)

In marketing, the way a product is promoted is important too because it either makes you stand out or not. Here’s an example: there are lots of commercials on TV, radio and what not about deodorants… but there’s only one brand that advertises with hordes and hordes of women going wild as they chase one man around who has “The Axe Effect.”

In case you don’t know that commercial, then I’m willing to bet that you probably know the Bom Chicka Wah Wah commercials they made. Again, something that really made them stand out because even if you hated that shit to death, you still remember it. Because it stood out.

Let’s relate this sucker to dating:

Most men, when asked by a woman if they’re players or not, deny to the death. “No off course not!” is the most common answer of all of ’em.

Meanwhile, they seem to forget something. Who’s more fit from a genetic perspective: the man who gets woman after woman after woman, or the guy who doesn’t get any woman at all?

I think you know the answer. Whether you or women like it or not, a man who seems to be able to get all the women is super attractive to women.


Simple: women will subconciously realize that if a guy seems to get all the women he meets, then there must be something about him that makes women fall madly in love with him.

And if you’re a woman and he wouldn’t chase you, you would start doubting your “womanhood” because why would the guy chase every woman but you? Is there something wrong with you maybe?

In comes the killer: the giant stroke of the ego that makes a woman think she can transform the bad boy into a loving husband, that she’s the only woman that can turn the bad boy into a good man…

So… don’t underestimate the power of having a reputation my friend. I’ve talked about this thoroughly in an earlier post if you want to know more about it:

And, just like with the other P’s, there are let’s of other ways reputation comes into play with dating…

Marketing and dating are similar: 4 points, other opinions: 0 points.

What do you think? What is your opinion on marketing and dating being similar or about reputation (promotion) being important?

Would you like to see me talk more about marketing and dating being similar? Tell me!

To More Dating Success,

Carlos Xuma
Win With Women

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- Win With Women

P.P.S. Have more questions? Need more answers? Then check out our frequently asked questions pages on which we answer all the questions about a certain topic:

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